Did you know some of our instinctive reactions and habits can hurt our confidence and self esteem? Some of the things we usually do can sabotage the decisions we make, how we connect with others, and how any situation ends up affecting our life… essentially, encourage low self esteem.
5 Habits that cause low self esteem
1. Worrying unproductively
Now, it’s not really practical or even normal to be completely worry-free because it’s one of the things that motivates us to act, show up, and do things in our life. Like, worrying about how to pay your bills can motivate you to show up for work even if it’s not your dream job. Or, worrying about your weight can motivate you to choose a healthier dinner over pizza.
But, there’s a productive way and an unhealthy way to worry.
And the problem arises when we go about it all wrong. Because that can leave us either undecided, inactive. Or, we end up making the wrong choices lowering our idea of what we think we can and cannot do. That leads to low self esteem… doubting our instincts, decisions, and capabilities, which again becomes something we worry about. Like, ” I really want to do that, but what if I mess up?”
What Helps Instead –
The better option is to worry productively.
- Set a goal to worry towards. What you do want instead of what you don’t want or why couldn’t it be different.
- And think it through, but with an intention to come up with an action plan. Like, if this happens then I will do that.
But, some of our worries can be totally avoided…. because it’s created by the next habit on our list that can cause low self esteem.
2. Saying 'yes' reflexively
It’s usually way easier to say yes and think it through later, than to say no straight-up because it can help us avoid uncomfortable situations, or confrontations. Plus there’s always the option to say no with an excuse later, right? And it does work, but in some situations.
It becomes a problem when we start doing this reflexively because that means we either end up with too many commitments, too much to handle… or, we go back on our word so many times that it hurts our credibility.
“Research has found that in situations where people do have little control over what happens, having higher self-esteem can help relieve some of the negative effects of this loss of control, which ultimately benefits mental health.” – Kendra Cherry, MS
And not being able to keep our commitments or promises, hurts our relationship with people. You won’t think much of someone who keeps failing to show up, would you? And being on the receiving end of this, hurts how we feel about ourselves…. leads to low self esteem.
What Helps Instead –
The better option is to
- say yes intentionally, only when you can follow it through. A little discomfort in the short-run, or hurt a valued relationship…which one would you rather avoid?
- And being clear about your priorities is a very big help when you want to say No confidently, without guilt and get that choice respected.
But what if people get offended and say things like, “why do you have to be so difficulty”, or “I thought you would be okay with this”?
3. Being touchy about the wrong things
Things like that can make you feel bad, like we are falling short, doing something wrong, or being selfish. Knowing that you are saying No for the right reason yet, letting the other person’s reaction touch a cord is giving them too much power… over what we do with our time and what we choose.
And giving up that kind of power can hurt how we feel about ourselves… it encourages low self esteem.
What Helps Instead –
It’s important to remember that we make sense of the world through our own individual filters called cognitive biases and distortions.
“Perception acts as a lens through which we view reality…. our tendency is to assume that how we perceive reality is an accurate representation of what reality truly is. But it’s not.” – Dr. Jim Taylor
And so, what feels wrong to the other person, but feels right to you, doesn’t say anything about you doesn’t reflect anything on you It just shows how they are interpreting the situation. This is one of the most powerful ideas that can stop anything from hurting our self worth, from making us feel bad about the wrong things.
But, it’s not just other people who can make us feel this way. How about when we see someone’s life updates on social media and it makes us feel kind of dissatisfied in our own life?
4. Comparing the wrong way
Because that’s one of the clinically identified reasons for low self esteem and some mental health issues that it eventually causes. Now, comparison is normal human nature…that’s how we are wired. We use it to know how far we have come, where we want to go, get motivated to act, set goals in life.
Social comparison theory is about how we determine our social and personal worth based on how we stack up against others. But, if someone’s achievements or lifestyle is only making us feel dissatisfied with our life… then that’s a problem.
What Helps Instead –
To know how to compare productively and also the 5th habit, which by the way is the sneakiest one, watch the video up top.
I hope you found this helpful.
