It’s a life skill to know when it’s worth taking something personally and when it’s just a waste of time.
Because even though it’s kind of a knee-jerk reaction to be sensitive about an unfair comment or criticism, being able to see the situation for what it really is, before responding, makes the difference between being in control of our choices and feeling perpetually stressed out.
So, let’s get straight to the strategies that show how to not take things personally too quickly… create space between feeling hurt, offended, angry… and responding effectively.
1. Look for value
First, let’s take those feedbacks or criticisms that push our buttons – the “no offense” comments or hurtful opinions.
See, we interpret the world around us through what we learnt from experience, through memories of what we know to work. And these become a kind of reference library for us and is what we call mindset.
And so, when someone says something hurtful to us as a feedback or opinion, if it isn’t constructive, it has got nothing to do with us. It’s simply their view, their interpretation of things through their own issues, biases, and experiences.
The key to how not to take things personally dealing with destructive comments is to remember that it’s not our duty to comply with others’ filtering system in life. If it isn’t in sync with your own values and priorities, treat it the same as you would something rude shouted from a passing car.
Because feeling hurt, allowing something to reach our heart and hurt us means we are giving that person a lot of power, assigning a lot of value to them.
2. Practice the pause
To process all the information and input it receives, our brain tries to find similarities and connections… that’s generally how we usually make sense of the world around us.
These shortcuts mean we like some people instinctively while certain situations make us feel uncomfortable even without any obvious reason.
When we take things to heart … things that might not feel like a big deal to others…. that’s what’s happening.
It’s the expectation we assign to that situation which gets our hackles up.
It might be right or may not be, but the key to how not to take things personally too quickly is to hold back from acting on what comes to our mind first.
This does 2 things.
- It gives us time to think of the credibility of that source, is it really about us or more about their own issues, and also if it’s a misunderstanding or a pattern with that person.
- We get time to choose our response. Do we call it out or is it simply not worth the time and energy?
3. Be comfortable with yourself
This is about when we have already taken something personally and it’s affecting our mood, sleep, and peace of mind. It’s about the times when we come up with that perfect zinger hours, sometimes even days after the moment has passed.
Research has shown that 47% of the time we are thinking of the past, future, & what others might be thinking. That means it’s totally normal to ruminate, to think about what something might have meant.
But even if we can’t control how our brain is wired to work or how other people behave, we do have control over how we respond.
The key is to stop looking for external validation and getting comfortable with who we are because it’s the anxiety of what people think of us that sometimes makes everything feel like it’s about us.
When we internalize our sense of worth, when we stop depending on other people to validate what we think is true we become less vulnerable to what others think or say about us. And we essentially become mentally stronger.
This is what makes us more resilient to stress.
