“Control your emotions”, that’s a phrase we have all heard… but that is not really physically possible because emotions are automatic responses that we can’t control or change. But what we can do is, change how we feel about any emotion, how we manage the feeling that that emotion sets off and how we respond to the situation.
What is emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is being tuned into our emotions so that we can respond in a constructive way. And also, being in tune with the emotions of those around us so that we are able to manage situations, relationships, and connections more effectively.
Building emotional intelligence
1. Changing our attitude towards emotions
The very first thing we need to understand is that every emotion serves a purpose, whether it’s anger, disgust, envy, joy…or any other emotion. They are cues to what’s going in our mind on a subconscious level.
But, over the years of our life, whether because of lack of sympathy for feeling a certain way or because of some other unhelpful feedback we learnt that feeling a certain way or expressing a certain emotion isn’t good And so, we sometimes get thoughts like, “it’s stupid to feel like this”, or “if I show my emotions they will think less of me”.
These beliefs can make us reluctant to own up to certain emotions and we end up being confused with why we are feeling this way because without naming the emotion, it’s tough to understand the trigger.
Unless we know what exactly we are dealing with, how would we ever know
- what to look for,
- what’s the best way to respond when feeling a certain way?
- How to manage that emotion and the situation better?
The negative emotions we feel can show us where our priorities in life, goals, and decisions might not be bringing us what we truly want in life. And so, what needs to change so that our decisions and choices are more aligned with our dreams and values.
2. Managing emotions better
Being emotionally intelligent means being able to manage our emotions better –
- being able to name the emotion based on how we are feeling,
- understanding what might be triggering that, and
- responding to that trigger instead of reacting emotionally.
Because emotions do not equal action, we don’t take the first instinctive action that pops into our mind. Instead, we take a pause and identify the emotion that’s making us feel this way so that we know how to respond best.
We might not have any control over our emotions, but we certainly can control what it makes us do. It’s certainly not easy – reacting in anger or disgust is easier than responding to the situation with maturity. But, letting emotions dictate our choices and actions can only add more uncertainty, complications, and stress to our life.
3. Enhancing social emotional intelligence
To know the one quality that can very simply enhance our emotional intelligence, watch the video up top. It’s a life skill that level up both our personal and professional connections and experience.
I hope you found this helpful.
