How to be confident is about tapping into something that we have evolved to have as a default. Because from an evolutionary-clinical point of view, confidence evolved to give us an evolutionary edge – to approach new things without fear or angst.
So, what does confidence look like for you? Is it what you feel when you know everything there’s to know about something? Or, is confidence knowing that you can find a way forward no matter what? Because even when we plan our life carefully, prepare for everything, there will always be situations that demand us to think on the spot, learn, and improvise….like, living in the new normal.
So, let’s unpack how to be confident in any situation – whether things are easy, tough, or dicey at best.
Unlocking confidence - the ultimate life skill
1. Making decisions with confidence
Sometimes we are confident in our ability to do something, but doubt our ability to make the right choice. Like say, you got a job offer but are not confident about making the switch. “Should I take this offer now or wait for things to start moving up here”, “and what if that doesn’t work out?”
And this can also affect how much effort we put into something because we are never sure whether we are wasting our time or not. The main problem here is a lack of clarity. So, to be confident in any decision you make –
A) Cost effectiveness –
Check the cost effectiveness of that decision. When we choose anything, it means we are leaving something else out. And so, our decision comes at the cost of the option we are not choosing. That’s the cost of our decision.
So, for every big decision you make, check what are you not choosing. And is what you are not choosing something that you would regret more, Or would you regret more not going for what you chose right now?
B) Priority check –
And we can answer this question more confidently if we are clear about our priorities in life. It makes the whole thing faster and way easier. So, take time out sometimes to get clear on that because it can be quite different from what we think in the moment is more important for us.
C) Long-term alignment –
And these priorities work best when they are leading us towards where we want to be in 5 or 10 years from now. Because that’s what brings a kind of satisfaction from whatever we do.
How to be confident in the decisions we make is about knowing that every choice is moving us closer to how we want our life to look. That’s what helps us make the more satisfying choice.
But what if we doubt whether we can measure up to that. What if you are not confident you have what it demands?
2. How to be confident in yourself
Doubting our ability to successfully manage all the hurdles that might come along the way, or everything that it would need us to do, can affect what we think is possible or not for us. Like, for someone trying to figure out how to be confident when speaking in public might be because they find answering impromptu questions from the audience quite daunting. What if they draw a blank and freeze?
And so, it can make us avoid those opportunities or settle for second-best. Compromised choices can bring us success, but it doesn’t bring the same level of satisfaction that going after our dreams and desires can bring.
A) Chunking down –
Even though the obvious answer seems to be prepared to the best of our ability, what works better, is to also find what exactly is it that we doubt we can’t do. Chunking down is about asking why something is important or what would it mean so that we can get to the root of anything, getting as specific as we can.
Like, in the public speaking example, chunking down can show that the real worry is about being able to recall and connect the right dots to answer an impromptu question effectively.
B) Mastery experience –
Confidence builds on confidence. It’s about tapping into what psychologist Albert Bandura called ‘mastery experiences’ – believing if you could have learned or found a solution to something before, you can do that again. Believing in our ability to succeed.
So, we find something similar that we have done in the past. Like, advised a friend successfully on some problem they were facing. We tapped into our experience and connected the right dots to show them a solution that worked. And since we did that before, we can do it again.
But sometimes we can lose self-confidence a few steps in. And this can show up in many ways, like feeling unmotivated, or too stressed with everything, and may be even procrastinating… prioritizing other things over the one we are working on.
“The higher our self-confidence, the higher our motivation to act. Plus, self-confidence helps increase the chances of success when we do act.”
– Alex Lickerman, MD
3. Confident facing uncertainties in life
Uncertainties in life can make us lose confidence because we feel at some level that things might not turn out the way we want. We start to hesitate in our choices because of a fear of failure. And research has shown that when we expect to fail, we are more likely to do so.
Watch the video up top to know how to deal effectively with all the different ways this can show up.
Meet you right over there.
