So, how do you know you have limiting beliefs? Well, for one, we all have beliefs because they are what guide our choices, opinions, and how we feel about anything. And so, if we have ever said “I can’t” or “I don’t think I can” then that means a belief is limiting us in what we think is possible… there’s a limiting belief holding you back. And there are some common mistakes, some do’s and don’ts that can save a lot of your time and energy when getting rid of limiting beliefs.
“Think of your unconscious beliefs like an invisible, underlying script from which you are unknowingly acting out your life.” – Andrea Brandt, PhD, MFT
Do's and Don'ts when getting rid of limiting beliefs
1. Don’t ignore even if the reason feels logical
Like, when you like an option but then you feel kind of a resistance the very next moment at the thought of acting on it. And the reason that pops into our head why it won’t be a good fit, even if it feels totally logical, is an unhelpful belief that can hold us back.
That’s something we should work on, especially if it’s stopping us from going after the things we really want.
What Works Better –
So, do stop before making any decision based on that feeling alone.
- Ask, is the thought… the reason why you think it’s not a good option for you, making you act from a position of fear, a fear of failure, of not having what it demands?
- And second, is there something more productive, which if you believed about you or the situation, would stop you from feeling that resistance…would help you act.
If your answer is yes to both of these, then it’s surely something that can change a lot for you… getting rid of limiting beliefs like these can bring very positive changes in our life.
So, what do you do when you are convinced you want to change an unhelpful belief? That’s what we will see in the 3rd point. But, first something that’s important to know when you want to get rid of those limiting beliefs.
2. Not everything deserves your time and energy
And the first of these mistakes is to go after each and every “I can’t” you find… every limiting belief you uncover. Don’t mess with it if it’s not bothering you.
“Core beliefs are held in the subconscious mind just outside of conscious awareness. They act as blueprint instructions determining your choices.” – Dr. Kim Ward
Like, I might say, “I can’t surf.” Now, there are a couple of unhelpful beliefs hiding there, but it’s not hurting my quality of life or desires and goals in life. So, there’s no point in spending time and energy getting rid of limiting beliefs that affect may be only 0.003% of your life, right?
It’s not a question of what limiting beliefs are you holding on to. The point to focus on is what limiting beliefs are holding you back.
3. Don't underestimate personal proof
See, as most of our beliefs work at a subconscious level, getting rid of limiting beliefs means proving them to be untrue from the base up… finding as much proof as we can that the opposite is true.
And the mistake that we can do here is trying to find proof elsewhere because we think we can’t find any in our own lives.
Like, if you want to find proof that there’s still time for you to go after something you have dreamt all your life but feel it’s too late for you… it’s normal to look for examples of people who have done so… gone after their dreams against all odds and succeeded. And that works… sometimes.
That’s why some people feel that inspirational stories don’t work, inspirational quotes do not make them do anything different… because they haven’t dealt with their self limiting beliefs first.
What Works Better –
A better way to go about it is to look for examples from our own life… even if it’s in some other context. If it makes us see the possibility, it’s the right example to go after.
Like, in the example we took, if you want to go after a dream you always had, look for those times in your life when you knew something wouldn’t work, or you were doubtful about it… but went after it anyways and the result surprised you.
Those are the examples that show our subconscious mind that we have it in us to succeed against odds and that’s where you get your motivation to take that first step.
But, feeling motivated in the moment isn’t enough… what makes sure that this limiting belief doesn’t creep back into some other area of our life?
4. Don't leave it hanging when getting rid of limiting beliefs
That’s why we shouldn’t leave it hanging… getting rid of limiting beliefs but leaving a void in their place. It’s a far more effective strategy to replace a limiting belief with an enabling belief, an empowering one.
“One can examine one’s behavior, figure out needs for improvement, and replace behaviors .. Research reveals that our bad habits are most effectively eliminated when replaced by new and different learning habits.” – Bernard J Luskin, EdD, MFT
Just like habits, it’s easier and more effective to replace than to simply get rid of an unhelpful belief. And as a very agreeable side effect, this can also boost our confidence and improve our quality of life.
What Works Better –
Watch the video up top to know what to do when you want to work on a limiting belief that you discovered…also, the 5th and one of the sneakiest mistakes that can create a limiting beliefs loop of its own.
So, meet you over there.
