“No really, you tell me how to be happy when one can’t even expect the simplest thing anymore?”
My friend was trying to calm me down and save the day.
It was 12 o’clock in the afternoon and my mom still hadn’t wished me on my birthday. I was getting more & more irritated every passing hour. How could she forget her own daughter’s birthday?
I knew it was ruining my special day but was I wrong in expecting such a simple thing from the person who remembered every moment of the day I was born? As it turns out, actually I was.
She was trying to make the day extra special by surprising me with an unexpected surprise party and a very much expected gift.
But, it also revealed a very important lesson for me –
You’re setting yourself up for disappointment & upset if you make others responsible for your happiness. It’s too big a responsibility & they’re bound to slip up sooner or later.
The key to happiness lies in the right perspective & attitude. It might sound a little cryptic but actually is very simple. You’ll see in a bit what I mean.
How to be happy?
To answer that, let me ask you a simple question – what makes you unhappy? For me, it could be
– something that I wished happened differently in my life,
– something that I wished was different about me or my personality,
– disappointment because of some unfulfilled expectations, or
– a colorful mixture of all of the above : )
So, broadly speaking, the key to happiness lies in being happy with who you are, how your life is at present and happy even when alone or unattached. Basically, it all boils down to these 3 questions –
- How to be happy with yourself.
- How to be happy with your life.
- How to be happy again when alone.
Related:
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How to be happy
3 Key ways how to be happy- Falling back in love with your life
- Being happy with yourself.
- Being happy with your life.
- Being happy when alone again for whatever reason.
How to be happy with yourself
1. Perspective :
Once you stop making others responsible for your happiness, it comes more readily to you. It is too much responsibility to put on anyone else and bound to fail sometime or other. So choose the better option.
Start being responsible for your own happiness by looking at things from a different angle – a more positive way. Negativity never ever led to happiness and never will. Taking the responsibility of your own happiness will make you happier with yourself realizing how much in control you are of your life.
For instance, suppose there’s a change in your routine that you can’t control. Instead of getting all worked up and worried about how you’re going to adjust everything else around it, try & first figure out how it can have a positive impact on your life.
If you do that, you’ll find the whole process of reassembling everything much easier & maybe even a tad proud of your managing skills : ).
Related:
Change your mindset: How to positively redefine your life
2. Self-compassion :
One of our biggest contributors
Rephrase what you think are your weaknesses. Accept your perceived ‘flaws’ as characteristics that make you unique, not just another face in the crowd.
For instance, if you think impatience is one of your flaws, rephrase it. Instead, say you’re enthusiastic about achieving results. Or if you’re shy, look at it as being a good listener. This again goes back to perspective, how you look at events, actions or characteristics.
Related:
5 reasons Why learning to say no is an important life skill
3. Approval :
The need for approval of our actions, behavior or appearance is one of the main reasons we are often unhappy with ourselves. Do I hear, ‘Duh! that’s obvious’? But, how often do we actually do anything about it?
The moment you – 1) stop saying yes to please others at the cost of discomfort to yourself, 2) stop trying to be someone you’re not just to fit in or 3) start being comfortable in your own skin – is the moment you truly begin to be happy with yourself.
Do not give others power to tear you down. When you stop looking for approval, you begin to do things that matter to you and are true to who you are. Be a rebel and do things to make yourself happy rather than those around you. Remember being responsible for your own happiness?
Related:
Low Self-esteem: How to be absolutely more positive and not take things personally
4. Comparison :
Comparing yourself or your life with others sabotages your potential for happiness. Because then whatever we do, it’s always short of what someone else has. I know, it’s easier said than done because jealousy is something that’s in-built in us all.
The key is to remind ourselves what we do have, what we have achieved (however small) and what is great about us (our positives). When we focus on the good & growth in our life, then the mind is left with lesser bandwidth to think about what others have that we don’t.
Related:
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5. Health :
Both physical & mental health play a big role in how happy we are with ourselves. For a healthy body, proper sleep, diet and exercise are crucial. Notice how cranky you are when hungry or after being up most of the night? Be physically active however much you can in a day if not able to stick to a daily exercise routine.
When you are healthy from within, no matter what size or shape you are, you’ll feel more happy with yourself. Remember, one size doesn’t suit all because we aren’t clones. A well-balanced diet & restful sleep goes a long way in keeping you in the happy zone with a positive outlook on life.
Related:
How to Get Restful Sleep ā Improved Mental and Physical Health
How to be happy with your life
1. Mindfulness & gratitude :
These two are interconnected and very important for us to be happy with our life. Being mindful of how you’re feeling, what’s working & not working for you on a daily basis will help you get a clearer picture of your life.
The benefit – a) you can concentrate your energy more on what makes you happy, and b) you can actively look for solutions to those that are making you sad.
Count the blessings in your life whenever you can. It doesnāt matter how small or insignificant or ‘given’ they sound. For example, today I’m grateful for a peaceful day without any controversy going on in my extended family Whatsapp group : )
Related:
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2. Challenge :
Challenge your limits. Do something every day that nudges you out of your comfort zone. It might seem counterintuitive to happiness. But the glow of satisfaction & pride you get after overcoming these small challenges are good for your self-esteem and confidence.
And in their turn, these two qualities have a habit of making life seem sweeter. For example, if you are an introvert, set up a face-to-face meeting with your client instead of exchanging loads of emails and messages to understand their requirement. You’ll end up with better understanding and connection with your client.
Related:
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3. Goals & dreams :
I believe dreams are simply goals waiting for a plan. If you can plan out your dreams and set up action steps to take every day, those dreams will surely come true. Life feels happier when you know your every little action is moving you closer to your goals.
Goals give direction to our life and meaning to our dreams. But to be happy with our life, we need to focus and enjoy our journey to that goal. Having used it once to set the pace of things, push that goal to a corner in your mind.
Keep goals realistic. What if they are not? Keep breaking unrealistic goals into smaller goals until they start feeling achievable without stressing you out.
Related:
How to Set Goals and Achieve Them: Practical & Simple Guide
4. Let go :
Concentrate your energy on what you can control and let things that you can’t control fall into place on their own. Worrying about things you can’t control won’t change their course. Also, let go of grudges after taking ‘lessons learnt’ from them. Remembering the details isn’t important. What is important is your take-away from it.
For example, every time I remembered how badly I was mistreated by someone I knew, I would get so angry that I would start feeling sick. That I actually couldn’t do much about it now, only added to my frustration.
Once I decided to stop repeating the scenes in my mind and just remembered what it taught me about that person and that type of people in general, life started feeling sunnier. It takes practice and perseverance, but is absolutely freeing.
Related:
Moving On Quotes: How to Let Go and Be Happy
5. Donāt compare :
Don’t bother
Comparison drains away all power from our achievements, no matter how big or small. The minute we start comparing our wins with someone else’s, dissatisfaction creeps in. If you can’t help comparing, compare with your beginning, see how far you have come since when you took the first step for anything.
Related:
5 Ways to Stay Happy and Get Peace of Mind
How to be happy again when alone
1. Life detox :
Block out some time to do a life audit. Make a list of things that aren’t meaningful, useful or offer happiness to you any longer. To make it easier, go by categories like professional life, social media, personal connections, home, life goals etc.
Next step, remove them from your life one-by-one or as suits you. A decluttered & detoxed life is more conducive to happiness by creating space for new experiences.
Remember, you’re responsible for your own happiness & no one else is. It is too big a responsibility to give any other person.
Related:
Declutter your life: How to effectively spring clean your mind
2. Self-interview :
Find out what your likes & dislikes are when someone else’s choices
What worked earlier need not work for your happiness now. But that’s fine. Because humans change, evolution from stone age man has certainly proven this point : )
So, ask yourself what is it that makes you happy, your likes & dislikes ‘today’. Bring in more of what you like into your daily life and cut out the rest, no matter how much of a habit it has become.
Related:
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3. Count your blessings :
It’s like a selfie, but for your life. Just as you look for the perfect angle, pose & background for a selfie to look perfect, the same works for your life too. List out the positives and good things in your life, past & present both. Focus on them to remind yourself what a beautiful life you have.
Make it a point to remind yourself of these whenever you find yourself pondering on what you have lost or did not get. It works on the subconscious and will gradually push dark thoughts out of focus.
Related:
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4. Positive reinforcement :
Ups and downs are a given in everyone’s life, that’s a no-brainer, right? There are bound to be times when looking on the brighter side of things becomes very tough. So, prepare in advance. Surround yourself with positive people & things. They will make getting out of the dark phase easier.
Follow people who radiate positivity so that your social media feed is filled more with their posts. Just going through your updates on a rainy day will make overcoming gloom easier. Talking things over with positive people will help you look at the brighter side of things rather than just indulge your melancholy.
Related:
How to Use the Power of Positive Thinking ā Overcome Limiting Beliefs
5. Commit :
Speaking of being ready for happiness-challenged days, sometimes just showing up for something helps yank our mood out of the dungeons. Commit to something that needs attending routinely. Pay for it in advance so that convincing yourself to show up becomes easier even when you’re not feeling like it.
Decide on something that you’ve been wanting to do for long, but kept postponing because of paucity of time. For example, sign up for that pottery, Rumba or photography class. Why not kickboxing or yoga class? But remember the key – pay in advance.
Related:
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So yeah, I got one of the biggest lessons of my life from a silly thing on my birthday. It turns out that the 2 major ingredients for happiness in our life are right perspective and a commitment to positive thinking.
Try looking at things afresh, without any back story, like when you were a kid and believed you could be anything. There was no back story or tinted belief to pull you back. Limitations make us unhappy. When we make ourselves responsible for our own happiness, we start questioning our actions, choices and beliefs that are making us unhappy.
Choose happiness as your reality, as your permanent status update. Why? Simply because your lifeās too precious to be wasted away in regrets and sighs.
What makes you feel really happy, like in āwarming the cockles of my heartā? Do you take time to pause & celebrate your little wins?
Please leave a comment below, I would love to know your thoughts
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These are all really great tips! You are definitely right that happiness starts from within yourself. This is something I need to work on more. Thanks for sharing!
Indeed we are responsible for our own happiness. We can only control our own reactions, not the behavior or other people.
Yes, happiness is so important in our lives. So many people are stressed now and depressed. I read about suicides it’s really terrifying.
my key to being happy are three things: red wine, kitty cuddles and handbags! Also, surrounding myself with good company!
haha, yes those work too š Natalie
Counting your blessings is such a big part of happiness. It’s becoming grateful for the things we have. Once we reach that part, we can be happy no matter our situation and station, and content as well.
Very true David
Yes happiness is you need to find yourself. Some time things won’t on your way. still you have find something that make you happy. Nice post.
comparison kills happiness… being a teacher and watching my kiddos throughout their years has really taught me this ā¤ļø
I adore this article, so much information downloaded. Happiness is all there is in life really; sometimes we tend to look for happiness elsewhere without considering ourselves first. We tend to focus so much on the outside instead of the inside.
What a fantastic guide you’ve created! I love the point you make about not putting our happiness on others. And to take charge on making our own happiness.
Very detailed post, And to be very honest I am out of words. But yeah, I am happy, because working makes me happy.
Thanks Monidipa
I really like this article a lot. I learned a long time ago that I have to be my own happy because just as you mentioned, itās a really big job and although our loved ones mean well, they are human with their own lives trying to find their happiness.
You have to take that charge on your own if you truly want fulfillment in life.
What an inspirational article. We sometimes tend to forget to just be happy, and live the moment.
I think being happy is really a choice, one to be taken every day and it’s the hardest thing to do!
These are well put together happiness to write down and remind yourself of happiness. Sometimes writing it down makes it all the more powerful.
So true, writing thoughts or plans down make them turn more realistic for us
Well being miserable is optional. A lot of people don’t get this that happiness is in your hands and your blog bring this point home.
I have moments (often) when I need to head back and read this. I choose to be happy, but sometimes my mind has other plans.
I agree with you Heather, but I feel it’s normal and really ok to feel sad or frustrated sometimes because after all being humans we are hardwired to go through a wide range of emotions. But, what we choose most of the time, sets the tone for our life. So yeah, reminding yourself that you deserve to be happy is a great way of staying on track. After all, happiness is a journey rather than a destination : )
What a beautiful and inspiring post. Thank you for spreading the word on this – I think a lot of people will find it really useful.
Here’s to a happy and healthy 2019!
Thanks Alexandra and a happy year ahead to you too.
I need this talk daily as I can be hard on myself thinking that I am not good enough. I will try some of this daily.
I am a creature of habit and so long as I have done it all the time, it’s hard to change but as they say for anything to change, I need to change what I am doing so clearly forming new habits is the way to go and happiness shall follow.
I so agree with this. I always try to stay positive since it takes less energy than being unhappy. So I try to always focus on the good.
This is a great post full of positive thoughts, I hope it helps some people take the right step forward towards happiness.
This has not been the easiest thing for me in the past. This is a great reminder not to pick up old habits.
Also, eliminate the word “deserve” from your vocabulary. Though diplomats, etc. are trying to set up universal human rights and stuff, we really aren’t born entitled to anything. This is a crazy concept for a lot of people because we know basic right from wrong and obviously don’t feel we deserve to be treated wrong (in the most basic human rights ways). It can sound like I’m saying give up or don’t stand up for yourself or let people mistreat you. That’s not what I mean at all. I mean that even though you do your best and are assertive and safe etc. bad things are still going to happen – regardless of how good of a person you are or how hard you work, etc. The idea that we “deserve” a good day or a certain type of life, etc. or are entitled to be treated in a particular way or to have certain things just sets us up for disappointment, resentment, and frustration. We can be assertive, self-protective, etc. while accepting that there will be a lot out of our hands and that some magical thing might not tip the scales back in our favor. It’s up to US to decide that we are happy, regardless of our circumstances.
Very true Amy. We have to accept that ups and downs are in-built features of Life. What we can do is celebrate the ups and make the downs work for us as best as we can. And I totally agree with you that ‘deserve’ sets us up for disappointment…because that’s just making outside elements responsible for our happiness.
What an amazing post about being productive and letting yourself run straight into happiness!
such a great article. somewhere we are only responsible for our happiness. thanks for sharing this beautiful post.
Thanks Elizabeth
I spent many of my years choosing bitterness without even knowing it. I made myself and those around me miserable. Choosing happiness has changed my life. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing. My favorites are don’t compare, count your blessing and commit. I need to that more often
Informative post. Please share this every January, as it is the most depressing month!
Thanks Alan, surely would do š
Its important for us to remember happiness is an inside job too.
There really are so many different ways to be happy. It totally depends on your personal definition.
Being happy definitely takes a lot of self-reflection, commitment, and positive attitudes!
This is so true. Happiness is a choice, and it’s synonymous to contentment and gratitude. š
Changing your perspective can be so powerful. Choosing happiness can change the whole trajectory of your life.
Thank you so much. I definitely needed to read this post.
YESS so important! We choose our reality and we choose if we want to be happy or bitter or whatever. It’s not always easy but then again, how easy is life when you bitter or angry all the time?? (I should know! I’ve tried both! Haha)
Yes, isn’t that right? The alternative to being happy isn’t easy either, so why choose that!
This is such a nice article and very detail on the point. For me it’s a perfect timely post as nowadays many are stress and don’t know what they want in this life. This article of yours shows that just be happy as simple as that.
Thanks Gervin
We call get so consumed in life that we forget about reality. Sometimes we just need to wake up and live in the moment and just be happy
Very true Adriana