These 5 life skills are essential because they not only help deal with life problems more effectively but also provide tools to successfully achieve your goals. So, let’s see how to develop, improve, and use them in the real world backed by what science has to say about it. 

Don’t miss the fifth one, it makes every skill more powerful.

How to Quickly develop 5 essential life skills

1. Resilience (for stress management, adaptability, and flexibility)

Whether it’s a work problem or a personal challenge, resilience gives us the tools to handle them in a way that they have the least possible effect on our goals, motivation, and general sense of satisfaction in life. It’s a core life skill because it helps manage stress and uncertainties better by empowering us to respond, react, and adapt in a productive way.

The science behind it –

Studies have found that the anterior mid-cingulate cortex is directly connected to tenacity and willpower and that it gets activated better when we have to overcome some resistance. This simply means that when you do what you really don’t want to do, or resist something that you really want to you are exercising resilience, training that part of the brain to stay in control which is responsible for creative thinking and problem-solving. That’s how we make better decisions and stay in control.

How to do it –

And the best part is that resisting simple things can work better than doing tough things we have gotten used to. Like, if you stop yourself from eating that cookie or even wait till you finish whatever you are doing before eating it. That would help activate the anterior mid-cingulate cortex and exercise resilience more than managing something tough. Like, dealing with a nagging boss that has become an everyday task for you. The key is to do a little bit more or a little bit less than what feels normal so that you experience some resistance.

https://youtu.be/Dd6125t2dp0

2. Problem-solving

From fixing the broken cabinet door to navigating difficult conversations, we use problem-solving skills in so many ways every day. Our ability to develop solutions or find creative workarounds to problems not only helps us navigate the complexities in life but also get what we truly want… successfully achieve goals. Problem-solving is one of the essential life skills because it makes us more confident in our ability to handle whatever comes our way.

The science behind this essential life skill –

From the evolutionary psychology point of view, problem-solving is hardwired in our brain for survival, think creatively to meet basic needs. Problem-solving makes us more adaptable to change.

And according to cognitive science, it makes us more confident. When developing solutions we need to consider different perspectives. And this not only means we are adding to our knowledge base but also tweaking to what works better, refining our abilities. This reinforces those neural pathways making us more confident about handling problems in the future too. 

How to do it –

To make this work faster, create your own structured approach, a framework, that works for you. Like,

Step 1 – stop worrying to think more productively. And a quick way to do this is asking ‘Are the things I am worrying about most likely to happen or are they the worst-case scenario?’ 

Step 2- get specific. What exactly do you want solved because it’s tough to find solutions for vague things like, “This is not working”. But remember to focus on the things you do want instead of what you don’t want.

Step 3 – Find what needs to be done next. And it’s good to remember that those goals and action plans have a better chance of getting completed which have a timeframe set for them. 

3. Decision-making is an essential life skill

Now, while problem-solving is about being creative, and generating new ideas and solutions to the roadblocks and problems in life, decision-making is about choosing which one of these would work best for us. And making better decisions faster is one of the most essential life skills because what seems to be the best option at first isn’t always the best one to choose.

The science behind it –

The option that instinctively feels right could be a heuristic trap.

While heuristics can reduce the burden of decision-making and free up limited cognitive resources, they can also be costly when they lead individuals to miss critical information or act on unjust biases.

– Psychology Today

The brain quickly finds a past situation that seems similar and suggests what worked in that situation. But the problem is that it can ignore potentially important stuff to find similarity. This means, what worked before won’t necessarily work for what we want done right now.

How to do it –

What saves time and energy, is to do an opportunity cost analysis. When we choose to go down one way, it means it is coming at the cost of all the other options we are giving up. And so, the given-up possibilities are the cost of that opportunity. So, find which option leaves you with the least regret. It will help quickly check whether the option ties in with your priorities or not.

https://youtu.be/VTqaCSS_wBM

4. Responsibility (for better relationships and self-management)

This is one of the essential life skills because knowing we can make things happen instead of feeling like things keep happening to us, not only

• improves our relationships because being accountable for our actions makes us come across as reliable, dependable, and trustworthy
• but it also motivates us to set and achieve goals influencing what happens more in our life.

The science behind it –

Setting and pursuing goals taps into our psychological need for autonomy and our belief in our ability to succeed. Plus, when we skill up to achieve those goals or find ways to overcome problems along the way, it boosts neuroplasticity in the brain.

How to do it –

A quick and easy way to do this is to simply reframe the situation highlighting what your influence can be on it. Like, “I worked so hard but my proposal got rejected because they didn’t tell me about all the dos and don’ts”. Instead of that, try, “Next time, I will make sure to double check all the dos and don’ts.” When we highlight our influence on any situation, it adds to self-efficacy… our belief in our ability to achieve goals.

https://youtu.be/6pEb5l7nqo8

5. Booster to make these essential life skills more powerful

This life skill helps us use those tools effectively, which empowers us to make the best of any situation. Watch the video up top to learn how to make this your default way of approaching anything in life.

I hope you found this useful.

The post 5 Essential Life Skills You CAN’T Afford To Overlook appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

The only way to build resilience, the thing at the core of almost every resilience building skill is focusing on the right thing. But what is the right thing? That’s exactly what we will be exploring today. Plus, a practical strategy to make doing it easy and a neuroscience-based tool to build resilience doing what we do every day.

3 Evidence-based ways to build resilience

1. What to focus on

What all situations that need us to be resilient have in common is that they stress us out to such a degree that we start feeling helpless. That’s why, building resilience means getting things in perspective faster so that we know what to do next, get back that sense of control.

A 2020 study A Translational Paradigm to Study the Effects of Uncontrollable Stress in Humans by Laura E Meine found that not being able to control the outcome affects how stressed we feel. It leads to passivity, a tendency to give up to circumstances, and repeated over time, results in a cycle of passivity and helplessness.

And knowing we can do something about it is important because how much in control we feel in any situation decides how much it can stress us out.

Focus on –

And so, the right thing to focus on to build resilience is whatever makes you feel in control. 

“It’s really important that I learn for myself that although I don’t always have control over the stressor, I do have some control over my reaction to it.” – Dr. Michele Wessa

(Research Group Leader, Leibniz Institute for Resilience Research)

Even when we can’t control what’s happening, we are still in control of how we act, react, or respond, right? That’s a choice we always have. And that’s powerful because it lets us add our voice to the outcome, influence how things work out or at least how long they can keep us down.

https://youtu.be/CeLdfQB8DwE

2. Practical strategy to make it easier

The simplest way to stay in control is to get into the problem-solving mode because it works on so many different levels –

• minimize stress.
• helps find a way forward.
• And so, bounce back faster.

Strategy –

Step 1: Direction

The first thing is to make sure we work in the right direction. So, after letting the initial emotions of frustration, anger, and disappointment play out, ask, ‘What is my priority right now’? Like, is it finding what to do next, to move on, a better way of doing something, or is it minimizing whatever damage has been done?

Trying to answer this not only makes us think intentionally which snaps us out of the stress mode but also helps channel our thoughts towards finding solutions for something specific.

Step 2: Options

If finding out what can help… coming up with ideas of what can be done is proving to be a problem, identify who or where you are willing to take ideas and advice from. Knowing this helps because what ideas we are exposing ourselves to decides to a large degree how easy or not it would be to build resilience.

The MAO-A gene produces happiness eaters – MAO-A enzyme that breaks down serotonin and norepinephrine available in the synaptic clefts.

Dr. Katharina Domschke, Head of Psychiatry at the University of Freiburg found that negative life events were more likely to lead to the MAO-A being less methylated while positive life events were more likely to be associated with increased methylation, possibly indicating resilience.

Our genes in part decide how resilient we will be. But how big a part it would play is decided by the experiences and the environment we find ourselves in. And so, whatever options you come up with, focus on the ones which are within your control.

Step 3: Action plan

Reverse engineer whatever you have decided is going to help you. Like, “If I want this to happen, what needs to be in place, and so what needs to be in place for that?” Keep asking this till you reach the point where the next thing is to ask, “So what does that mean I need to do today”?

The answers will give you a step-by-step action plan to make what you want happen, starting with what needs to be done next.

3. Evidence-based tool to build resilience

This tool is based on the neuroscientific fact that the anterior mid-cingulate cortex is directly connected to tenacity and willpower. Watch the video up top to learn how to use this tool doing what you do every day.

Hope you found this useful.

The post How to build resilience? Do just THIS! appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

This 3-step science-based technique will show you how effective your current way of managing stress really is for you. And if it’s not, then what would work better, how to manage stress quickly and more effectively because… it’s a skill that not only makes us more resilient but also more confident dealing with uncertainties in life.

How to manage stress quickly and more effectively

Step 1: Get a grip

The first thing is to learn how to think clearly in that moment when feeling stressed so that we can make better choices, respond rather than react.

“The best tools to reduce stress quickly, so-called real-time tools are going to be tools that have a direct line to the so-called automatic nervous system. The automatic nervous system is a name given to the kind of general features of alertness or calmness in the body.”

– Dr. Andrew Huberman, neuroscientist

And one very effective way to quickly calm the body, the nervous system down in real is to modulate our stress response. Stepping down physiologically, modulating how our body reacts when feeling stressed gives us better access to the PFC, which is the reasoning and problem-solving part of our brain. 

Ways to do this quickly –

• When the heart starts beating faster, we instinctively know something’s not normal about a situation, right? Using respiratory sinus arrhythmia we can slow the heartbeat down without taking a break. We exploit the mind-body connection here… slowing the heart beat to calm down enough to start thinking clearly. And the science behind it is that when we breathe out, the squeezing lungs bring the diaphragm up which leaves less space for the heart to beat. And that makes the brain signal the heart to go slow to effectively pump all the blood that’s trying to get through. So, just remember to breathe out longer whenever you want to calm your nerves down.
• Stress causes our vision to narrow, so that we can focus more intensely on the things threatening us. To reverse this and activate the parasympathetic nervous system, focus in the mid-distance without looking at anything in particular. To do this, try to see what’s above, below and on both sides of your direct field of vision without moving the eyes… you know like how the vision gets a bit unfocused, looking without actually seeing anything when trying to remember something or thinking about something? Just like that, but only doing it intentionally. 

Step 2: Sort specifics

The next step is to get specific and sort. See, the problem with most of the stress management tools we usually see, hear, or read about isn’t that they aren’t helpful, most of them really are. But the problem is that they either stop midway or we tend to focus more on the quick-results feel-good part of it. 

Anything that tells us how to manage stress without showing how to manage the stressors can actually be counterproductive in the long run. That’s because it’s like putting a band-aid on without doing anything about the real cause of the problem.

That’s why it’s important to be clear about what are the things worrying you. But remember that we are only dealing with short term and mid-term stress over here because long-term stress needs a different kind of approach.

What to do –

• So, the next step is to write down all the what ifs and things you are feeling stressed about because writing not only forces us to be more specific but helps realize right-away which ones are least likely or simply silly. It also makes sorting rest of the things easier.

• Then, sort them into what you think is within your control and which ones realistically aren’t. Ask ‘what exactly am I worrying about’ and keep repeating till you get something specific, like “I fear I might discover at the last moment that I have forgotten to bring the documents with me.” Get as specific as you can because finding specific solutions to vague ideas like ‘what if I mess up’ is really difficult.

https://youtu.be/MPHjqnGrfc4

Step 3: Predictability (how to manage stress dealing with uncertainties in life)

It’s the uncertainty of situations… not knowing what might really happen that stresses us out, triggers catastrophic thinking. And having a sense of control not only tunes down stress, but also makes us more confident dealing with uncertainties in life. So, the last step is to take out the element of surprise to feel more in control.

What to do –

Watch the video up top to know what to do exactly and how doing that helps.

Hope you found this useful.

The post 3 Evidence-Based Tips on How to Manage Stress In Real Time appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

These effortless one-minute habits are evidence-based and can change your life by not only making you smarter and more resilient than you already are but also more productive and confidently in control every single day. Plus, we will also see how to make time for your habits even if your schedule is jam-packed with things you have to and need to do.

Best One-Minute Habits

1. Tongue twisters to stay smarter

Tongue-twisters like “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” may be fun, but they have also been shown to activate areas of our brain connected with planning and coordination.

So, a very good way to spend a minute of your day would be to pick a tongue-twister you like. Think of it as a quick workout for your memory, attention, and focus strengthening the right neural connections. 

And an easy way to turn this into a one-minute habit would be to hook it on to something that you do every day, like practice it whenever changing clothes or getting dressed for the day.

2. Physiological sigh to become more resilient

The most basic thing that helps us become more resilient is knowing how to manage everyday little stressors because that gives us a framework, trains our brain what to do when things seem to be going out of hand. A one-minute habit that really helps lay the right foundation for this is doing a physiological sigh every time feeling under pressure, stressed, or anxious.

“Working with Jack Feldman’s Lab, our lab (Huberman Lab), and others, the Physiological sigh is the fastest hard-wired way for us to eliminate the stressful response in our body quickly in real time.”

– Andrew Huberman, renowned neuroscientist

Because in addition to getting CO2 out of our body and blood stream more effectively, it also helps us think straight, logically, and creatively to know what to do next because shifting focus to breathing in and out doing the physiological sigh shifts our brain function from the limbic system to the prefrontal cortex which is the creative problem-solving part of our brain.

So, whenever feeling stressed or anxious, do a double inhale with a double exhale – inhale, inhale, then exhale the double, repeating 3-5 times.

https://youtu.be/Dd6125t2dp0

3. Smile and pose – one of the easiest one minute habits

This is one of the easiest one-minute habits that can not only help you feel more confident quickly but manage stress better too.

It’s based on the mind-body connection and facial feedback hypothesis. So, smile and stand in a power pose like a superhero.

Even a fake smile can activate neural pathways associated with positive emotions helping us feel more grounded. It can also trigger endorphin and dopamine release… the pleasure and reward neurochemicals.  

And even though the effect varies from person to person and the result gets better with practice, studies [like, ‘Power Poses: Brief Nonverbal Displays Affect Testosterone and Cortisol’ by Cuddy et al. (2010) and ‘Body language shapes who you are’ by Carney et al. (2010)] have shown that standing in the power pose can help feel more confident by increasing testosterone levels and decreasing cortisol.

How to make time for your habits

If you are skeptical about how doing something for a minute a day can possibly make any difference,

1. it’s really about habit stacking… breaking the change that we want into manageable parts, each adding up to the big result. It’s a more effective way to develop any habit because one, we don’t have to worry about fitting it into our day. Taking a minute out to do something is easy, right? And,
2. when we anchor it to a prompt, like, whenever I am changing my clothes, I will do a tongue twister with it… staying consistent becomes easier… showing results more quickly.

Working on manageable chunks of change takes away the 2 big hurdles… finding the time to fit it into our routine and doing it consistently. How to make time for your habits is really about including them in your daily routine in a way that it feels like the natural next step to whatever you were doing.

https://youtu.be/nDTsbJO61Ec

4. Remove procrastination triggers (One minute habits to become more productive)

Before starting a focused session of work, take a minute to identify the things that can potentially distract you. Distractions are one of the main things that muddles our priorities making us procrastinate things unnecessarily.

Find out whatever is irrelevant to that group of tasks. Like, if you don’t need to use your phone, may be put it on do-not-disturb mode to let only important calls come through. Or, keep everything you need for those tasks handy so that you do not have to get up and possibly get distracted by something else.

5. Sunlight exposure

One of the best one-minute habits to start the day right is to open the window curtains as soon as you wake up.

Getting sunlight exposure in the morning, even if it’s not very sunny outside, helps regulate our circadian rhythm, the internal clock regulating our sleep-wake cycle, hormone production, and body temperature fluctuations.

Plus, the blue wavelengths found in sunlight stimulates the hypothalamus which boosts alertness and mood. 

“During the winter months we should be especially conscious of accessing UVB light to enhance our spleen function, to make sure that out sympathetic nervous system is activated to a sufficient level to keep our immune system deploying all those killer T cells and B cells and cytokines”

– Andrew Huberman

If it’s a dark winter day, switch on the lights as soon as you wake up. Exposure to even artificial light in the mornings can help regulate our circadian rhythm for a more productive day.

https://youtu.be/ISl58uJBH54

6. No-phone mornings (a ‘do less’ one minute habit)

Another thing that sets the day up for better stress management, emotional stability, focus, and clarity is phone-free mornings. It’s a good idea to begin with short stretches and then gradually increasing the duration as we get more comfortable with not checking the phone first thing in the morning. It only takes a minute to keep your phone in a basket or a drawer to create a phone-free zone for as long as you want.

The instant gratification loop of checking notifications is not good for sustained focused attention and so phone-free mornings allows our brain to boot up in a calmer state… a buffer zone allowing our nervous system to settle and regulate itself ready for deeper cognitive processing like creative problem-solving abilities.

Watch the video up top for the 6 remaining one-minute habits that help you stay smarter, more confident, and productive every single day.

Meet you right over there!

The post 12 Smarter Ways to Change Your Life: Science-Backed 1-Minute Habits appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

These 3 things can tell you whether all that time and energy you are putting in is going to get you results or will it get tough to keep showing up after a while. And if staying motivated is going to be a problem but the task is important for you, then how to motivate yourself.

How to motivate yourself

1. What really motivates us

Here’s a fact – no one can get us motivated to do anything, provide motivation for us. They can get us excited, all charged up to take action but not truly motivated because motivation is something that has got to begin within us.

Motivational stuff does work, but only when they touch an intense desire for something we already have. It can feed the fire but not spark it within us. 

What really motivate us is consequences – something we are seeking, expecting will happen, or it’s something we are trying to avoid. Like, we can be motivated to stick to the diet to be in perfect health for the vacation planned later in the year. Or, we can be motivated to meet the deadline mainly to avoid everything not meeting the deadline would mean.

How to motivate yourself –

1. Autonomy.

Feeling empowered to choose. When we choose to work towards something rather than putting in our time and effort to avoid consequences, that’s when we get motivated and stay motivated longer.

“When you perceive choice, you perceive motivation”

– Ellen Langer, ‘Mindfulness’

Pull motivation always works better. Our belief in, our desire and need for something pulling us towards it works much better than push motivation, trying to avoid something. Because being constantly on the lookout can really get exhausting after a while.

2. Motivation + ______.

But sometimes we just have to do some things even if the result is not pulling us towards it. And it’s then that something more besides motivation ensures that the time and energy we are putting in wouldn’t be all wasted effort. We will go into this in details towards the end of this video. But before that, we need to get clear about something.

https://youtu.be/nDTsbJO61Ec

2. Is motivation a key ingredient of your action plan?

If motivation is a key ingredient of your action plan, then you will find this interesting. We may need motivation either because we are tired and don’t want to do something. Or, because we are feeling anxious about how things might turn out and need to feel motivated to overcome that resistance and start taking action. 

Neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman calls this limbic friction… when the rational part of our brain knows we have to do something but the survival part, the limbic system isn’t really convinced.

Now, motivation is connected to dopamine. When we like the result of doing something, dopamine is released in the brain and it works like a treat or reward – getting it makes us want more. And the way to getting more is to keep repeating what we did earlier.

In other words, we become motivated to keep repeating the action. And that’s why they say, motivation comes from taking action, not the other way round. So, how to motivate yourself to take that first step? 

How to motivate yourself –

1. Be specific.

Being specific about what doing that task is going to do for you. It works both ways. It helps get energize, motivate yourself to take action despite feeling tired… and it will also help overcome that nervousness that was holding you back because now we want that result… it puts pull motivation in place.

2. Simplest action step.

So, when there’s no motivation to begin, get specific about how directly or even indirectly doing that thing is important for you before you find the simplest action step to get the motivational ball rolling.

https://youtu.be/VTqaCSS_wBM

3. How to motivate yourself – best way to get results

Now, which one do you think is more important to get results – staying motivated or discipline and willpower? Which one works for you? Because knowing this helps us see how fast are we going to get results.

One line of ideas say that you don’t need motivation, it fluctuates, it’s unreliable. And so it’s better to simply depend on discipline and your willpower to keep showing up because consistently putting one step in front of the other is what gets us past the end line.

But then, there’s also the fact that motivation, especially intrinsic motivation or the intense desire to achieve that goal can help us get past all the hurdles and get results. The pull motivation makes it easier for us to keep moving forward through all the problems and low-energy days.

What works best –

Here’s the thing. We all have a limited amount of willpower available each day and every choice that requires self-control uses it up a little, which is called ego depletion. And discipline without motivation costs a lot of willpower. Watch the video up top to see the formula that gets us results faster even on low energy days when doubts start cropping up.

Meet you right over there. Hope you found this useful.  

The post 3 Ways How To Motivate Yourself | Science-backed formula appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

These 3 things can help you see if procrastinating, putting things off for later will work for you or against you. And if it is not going to work for you, then how to stop procrastinating.

3 Keys to know if it’s working for you (+ how to stop procrastinating)

1. Is it making you productive?

When we keep putting off making a decision, it could be good because we would then have time to look at it from different angles and make a well-informed choice. Even when trying to figure out something, if we just put it aside for a while and do something totally different, it usually brings up the solution more easily.

That’s because the brain got a break from processing all the information and got a chance to connect the dots more effectively. 

“Detailed analysis revealed that mindfulness was associated with impaired problem solving when approaching problems with insight, but increased problem solving when using analysis.”

– Claire M Zedelius , Jonathan W Schooler (Mind wandering “Ahas” versus mindful reasoning)

And when there’s just too much to do and things kind of start stressing us out, shifting things to later based on their priority can free up our mental bandwidth so that we can do what’s important more effectively. It can ironically help us be more productive.

How to make procrastination productive:

1. Enough time – There has to be enough time to shift things to later without compromising the quality of our effort.
2. Time limit – There has also to be a clear time-limit for when we are going to resume the task, which we need to be serious about. Because otherwise, it’s simply going to become a source of unnecessary stress in our life. 
3. Realistic – The time available should be enough to change those things that are holding us back from taking action in the first place. If it’s something that needs deeper work, the better option would be to find how to start taking action despite the hurdle making us procrastinate.

And so, how to stop procrastinating becomes all about understanding why we want to put things off to later.

https://youtu.be/kvlt6DksQZ8

2. Type of procrastinaTION

Knowing whether it’s a certain type of task that makes us procrastinate or whether it’s normal for us to leave things to the last moment can tell a lot about how things are going to pan out.

So, if we are able to more or less maintain a daily routine but can’t seem to get started on a task, it’s task specific procrastination. And that means, the resistance to act is trying to show what would work better. 

How to stop procrastinating:

1. Chunking down –  It could be telling us the task is too stretched out and so motivation is running thin because there are no little yay moments to keep us excited. So, chunking it down to multiple short-term goals gradually adding up to the big one can help stop procrastinating.
2. Skill up – Maybe the task is too difficult and at some level we feel it might not work out… and so we are worried what failing would show about us. And so in that case, skilling up or asking for help would be a more efficient way to reach the end.
3. Review goal – it may also mean that we are not too sold out on the idea and aren’t really convinced about what it’s going to do for us. So, maybe we need to stop wasting time working on something we are not too keen to add to our life. 

But, if it’s not just some specific kind of task we are procrastinating on and it’s normal for to leave things to the last moment. Or, maybe it kind of fluctuates, some days things get done on time and other days they keep piling up – then it’s general procrastination.

The good and bad of procrastination:

Maybe, working under pressure brings out the best in you… sharpens your focus or makes you more productive. And that’s good. But the downside of being a general procrastinator is that the frequent buildup of stress hormones is going to affect our physical and mental health in the long-run. And so it becomes important to know how to stop procrastinating when it’s not going to help.

3. How to stop procrastinating – what type of procrastinaTOR are you?

Also, understanding what kind of procrastinator we are makes it easier to know why we are procrastinating. There can be many reasons, like may be the task feels boring, or too tough, or may be other important things are popping up which need to be handled STAT. So, the reasons show us what needs to change so that we can start taking action again.

How to stop procrastinating:

1. Worrier or Perfectionist – For the worrier, procrastination is about trying to ensure there are no mistakes. And for the perfectionist it’s about ensuring there are no chances of failure. And that’s good. But the problem arises when it’s never perfect enough because then the good intentions come at the cost of finishing the task.  Watch the video up top to know what needs to change as well as the other types of common procrastinators.

The post How to Tell if It Will Work For You + How to Stop Procrastinating if It Won’t appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

It’s important to stay calm in any situation because that is when most of our mental tools are available for use. When in stress mode, our brain cuts access to the reasoning and problem-solving part limiting our ability to respond in a constructive way. So, let’s see quickly how to stay calm in any situation effortlessly showing up with greater resilience and confidence every time.

How to stay calm in any situation

1. When dealing with people

Even though connecting or at least interacting with another person is critical for us to be healthy mentally, it is also one of the things that creates a big chunk of our problems. How and what and why someone says anything can make us feel happy or unhappy in our relationships.

And it’s natural to feel angry when the other person is blowing up or saying things that are irritating you. But giving back what they are dishing out is rarely ever helpful. 

When people experience emotional exhaustion, it can make them feel emotionally drained, overwhelmed, and fatigued…. Emotional exhaustion causes both physical and emotional effects that, in turn, can affect a person’s behavior.

– Medical News Today

What to do instead: 

1. Validate them

Before putting forth your point, say “May be, you are right, but” then say what you have to say. It shows that you heard them, think they might have a valid point, and so what you have to say comes across as another possibility rather than saying “I am right you are wrong”. Sometimes, all the arguing person wants is for us to acknowledge the possibility that they are right.

2. Voice and pace

keeping the focus on what we can control, keep your voice and pace of speech intentionally as normal as possible. The more normal you sound, the more in control you will feel.

3. “I” over ‘you”

Using more “I” sentences than “you” sentences help manage situations better. Like, instead of saying “why are you being so disrespectful”, saying “I am not feeling comfortable with this” sounds far less aggressive. It helps turn the heat down while getting the message across.

https://youtu.be/mT-dCxotkKk

2. How to stay calm in difficult situations

Demanding tough situations can make us feel frustrated or overwhelmed. See, what stresses us out about tough situations in the first place is focusing on the problem, like “How am I ever going to handle that?” and then all the “what if this happens, what if that happens?” come rushing into our mind. They can cause cognitive overload leaving very less energy or even mental space to focus on finding a solution or figuring out what to do next.

What to do instead: 

1. Physiological sigh

The first thing to do is calm down physically… get out of that anxious, stressed state. So, do physiological sigh.

“Working with Jack Feldman’s Lab, our lab (Huberman Lab), and others, the Physiological sigh is the fastest hard-wired way for us to eliminate the stressful response in our body quickly in real time.”

– Andrew Huberman, renowned neuroscientist

When feeling stressed, do a double inhale with a double exhale – inhale, inhale, then exhale the double. The long exhales rids our body and blood stream of CO2 more effectively when we do a double inhale because that inflates also those little sacks of the lungs.

2. Change brain modes

Follow every “what if this happens” with a “If this happens then I will do that”. Even if we can’t come up with a convincing solution every time, the simple act of thinking intentionally to sort through the options and connect the dots will shift us out of the primal brain mode (which is where we are when feeling stressed) and shift more into the prefrontal cortex mode – the reasoning, creative thinking and solution finding part of our brain.

3. Close the worry loop

Also, coming up with even a tentative action plan can tune down those “what if” thoughts makes us feel more confident. And confidence is what helps us approach any situation with a calm mind. Psychologically, the action plan seems like a solution and closes the worry loop in our brain.

3. How to stay calm in any situation (even when there’s fear of failure)

Worrying that things might not go as planned, or turn out as we want them to makes us overthink everything. It creates a pressure on performance. And trying to minimize the chances of failure, we overanalyze the situation trying to make everything as perfect as can be.

But explicit monitoring is actually counterproductive because it creates stress which lowers our cognitive performance. And so, knowing how to stay calm in any situation is a coping skill that exponentially improves our chances of succeeding.

What to do instead: 

Watch the video up top to know what takes the pressure off of performance quickly.

Meet you right over there.

The post 3 Science-Backed Tips On How To Stay Calm In Any Situation appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

Let’s use science to bust up some popular myths about –

• how to be happy in life,
• why these popular notions don’t work, and
• what to do instead

because even though you may know happiness is about getting our needs met, how we go about it can make all the difference.

How to be happy in life

Myth #1: Money can’t buy happiness

As an emotion, you definitely can’t buy happiness because emotions can’t be bought…BUT buying time can make us happier. Like, spending money on time-saving things.

Imagine having to go through a sink-load of dishes when you are bone-tired and all you want to do is just go to bed. Wouldn’t it make you happier if someone else did that for you without grumbling, like the dishwasher?

Whatever frees up more time and energy for us to do the things that you really want to do can make us feel happier. 

A 2017 study published in the National Academy of Sciences journal PNAS – ‘Buying time promotes happiness’ by AV Whillans et al, found that spending money on things that buy time can make us happier and feel more satisfied with life.

What to do instead:

1. Bigger expenses – This idea shows us how to be happy by simply auditing and editing what we are already doing. So, check what are you spending your money on. 
2. What’s the motivation – Find out the real motivation behind those expenses.  Are the bigger expenses more on things that are good to own, or do they make life simpler, easier, free up more time and energy for you to do the things that you really want to do.
3. Change relationship with money – Money isn’t the root of all evil, the love of money is! Money can make us happy if we use it as a tool. How to be happy in life is a lot about changing our relationship with money. Instead of letting it set the tone of our life, we start looking at it simply as an enabler that will help us do the things we really want to do. And when the focus shifts from money as something desirable to what it will enable us to do…our choices in life start to change. They start leaning more towards those that will make us feel truly happy and satisfied in life.

https://youtu.be/YU1asCcdSK8

Myth #2: How to be happy in life? Less problems means you are happier

If someone seems happy most of the time, we instinctively think they don’t have any problems. Because, if they had, they surely would look stressed or worried more? But, it’s not how many problems we have in our life, but how skilled we are at handling those, how resilient we are that makes all the difference. Our thoughts drive our emotions. Knowing how to bounce back from tough situations is the key to how to be happy. 

Playing it safe to limit the number of problems… trying to avoid anything that doesn’t feel comfortable… that is simply adding to our regrets in life… and definitely not the way to be happy.

Like, we hear about people who went through something very similar, but where one of them let it limit what they did with their life, the other let the emotions play, but then they took it up as a challenge and adapted to the changed situations… and made it work for them becoming happy again – that’s resilience in progress.

How to be happy in life instead:

1. Use everyday problems – The more challenges we go through, the more resilient we become. But it doesn’t mean going out of our way to look for challenges. It simply means not avoiding those little everyday problems. You know, those awkward conversations or tough decisions we would rather avoid. Because that gives us a framework to use when tougher situations pop up. And the more competent we feel about handling anything that comes our way, the happier we generally are with life. Because feeling competent is one of our core psychological needs and being happy is about getting our needs met, right?
2. Automate it – To make it easier, we can tweak some things we are already doing and build them up as simple habits to automatically approach any situation more effectively. Like, snapping out of the worry loop, or making anything easier to handle.

https://youtu.be/HvCuj5hUcQI

Myth #3: Achieving your goals will make you happy

We think getting what we set to get… achieving goals will make us happy. Like, I will be so happy when I have finally done that. That can be so, but it depends on 2 things.

Watch the video up top to know what these key things are and how to use them to be happy in life.

Meet you right over there,

The post How to Be Happy in Life: 3 Myths Busted And What To Do Instead appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

What seems to be the best option in the moment isn’t always the right one for us. That’s one of the biggest reasons why only when looking back can we be sure whether a decision was good or not. Lets quickly see how that happens and also what to do instead to make better decisions in life.

How to make better decisions faster

1. Missing elements

The option that instinctively feels right could be a heuristic trap – shortcuts that our brain uses to save energy. And these shortcuts are good to make routine choices, like what would you like to order at your favorite café.  But when it comes to making decision for something new, the brain quickly finds a past experience that seems similar and suggests what worked in that situation.

But the problem is, it can ignore potentially important stuff to find similarity. And so what worked before doesn’t really mean it will work again. 

What to do instead –

If you have time, sleep on it. But if there’s no time for that, do something else for a while. It lets our brain keep working in the background without us interrupting, connecting ideas that we wouldn’t even consciously think of. 

A study conducted by the Carnegie Mellon University, finds that the brain regions responsible for making decisions continue to be active even when the conscious brain is distracted with a different task

It also gives us more clarity about the situation and so we can better see whether what seemed to be a good choice at first still feels so or not.

The bottom line is, to make better decisions it helps not to act on the first thing that comes to mind without giving it more thought.

https://youtu.be/WCJjtvEanlY

2. Overkill is not the way to make better decisions

But thinking something through to find the best option doesn’t always mean we will make better decisions. Because sometimes we end up collecting too much information. In psychology, the people who do this are called maximizers, trying to cover every base to make the best decision.

With too much information there’s the risk of analysis paralysis, which means we get stuck in indecision, and that’s what leads to missed opportunities.

What to do instead –

1. Paradox of choice – Too many options can push us into indecision. This is called the paradox of choice. Too many choices actually means we need to put in more effort to choose. And that leaves us feeling unsatisfied with the choice. So, limit options to the 3 or 4 most viable ones.
2. Use opportunity cost analysis – When we choose to go down one way, it means we are giving up all the other paths, That’s the cost of that opportunity. So, find which option leaves you with the least regrets.
3.  Pro tip – Make smaller everyday decisions part of a routine or batch them. Like, meal planning or sorting out at the beginning of every week what you will wear to work each day. Getting smaller decisions out of the way helps avoid decision fatigue, leaving more energy for our brain to process information and make better decisions.

https://youtu.be/MPHjqnGrfc4

3. Clarity

But, to do the opportunity cost analysis we have to be clear about one thing. Watch the video up top to know what makes every decision feel satisfying no matter what the outcome.

Meet you right over there.

The post How To Make Better Decisions Without Overthinking appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

How can you tell if you are just being cautious and thinking something through or really overthinking it? Because it’s not really about ‘how long’ we are mulling over something, but ‘how’ we are doing it. And while thinking through helps make more sense of things and tunes down that feeling of stress, overthinking does just the opposite. So, let’s see how to stop overthinking quickly and get on with life using some simple but powerful psychology-based ideas.

4-step action plan for how to stop overthinking

1. Know when

It is overthinking when you are more focused on all the things that could go wrong. As is rehashing things from the past focusing only on what went wrong. And there is nothing productive in all this… there’s no solution with overthinking.

But there is with problem-solving because it is more about looking for a solution than fixating on possible problems.

Signs of overthinking –

• Restless.
• Constantly feeling worried.
• Focusing on things outside our control.
• Second-guessing decisions.
• Trouble concentrating.
• Seeking repeated assurance.
• Mentally exhausted.
• Can’t stop thinking about it.
• Feeling on edge.

These show we are worrying the wrong way. So, the obvious thing to do here is contain the situation, right? Freeze it where it is so that we can start fixing the tools we use to approach the situation.

https://youtu.be/mMdlB-AWTVc

2. Stop it from spiraling

Overthinking is all about eliminating uncertainty from the future. But, with future there will always be an element of uncertainty when it comes to what might happen in the future because of all the things out of our control. 

“Worry is all about trying to resolve and eliminate uncertainty about the future.”

– Dr. Michael Stein

(Clinical psychologist, founder of Anxiety Solutions)

Now, uncertainty is also seen as a survival threat by our brain. It doesn’t trust unknown things and so activates the stress mode.

So, ‘uncertainty’ essentially connects stress and overthinking together. And when in stress mode, our brain cuts access to the reasoning and problem-solving part of our brain leaving us with very limited tools to work with.

To get out of the stress mode we can either –

• distract ourselves doing something we like till the time we are ready to handle it more productively. Or,
• do something to activate our creative, problem-solving part of the brain so that the survival part is no longer in control.

How to do that –

A quick way how to stop overthinking, activate the problem-solving part is to follow every troubling thought with a ‘but’ and a positive thing. Like, “what if I mess this up, BUT I have also done things in my life without messing them up.”  

It will get you to think actively, be creative to come up with an answer. And that shifts us to the pre-frontal cortex, problem-solving part of the brain, which now will work to show us the way out.

https://youtu.be/9B3pMR2B0vc

3. Make it manageable

Now that we are in the problem-solving mode, ask

• what’s the worst case scenario, 
• and what’s the best that could happen (even if you are pretty sure that it might not happen), but
• what’s most likely to happen.

Due to our survival auto-settings and the filters in our brain through which we make sense of the world around us, we focus more on the negative points on anything than what might work, or what’s good.  Because of this, it might be that what you think is most likely to happen is closer to your worst-case scenario. 

Overthinking creates more stress by focusing on the negative, dwelling on the past and worrying about your future.

– Cleveland Clinic 

So, to stop catastrophizing and bring things back into perspective, cognitively reframe the situation.

1. Contrasting proof –

Find 2 examples when this hasn’t happened, even if in some other context.

2. Make the ‘evidence against’ count –

Put them together in a sentence ending with ‘and this might happen’. It is designed to bring things into a more balanced and realisticperspective. It makes the evidence against what we are worrying about, also count in how we think things might be.

https://youtu.be/HvCuj5hUcQI

4. The antidote – how to stop overthinking

Worrying and overthinking bring a sense of powerlessness, as if there’s nothing to be done. Watch the video up top to know what to do next to get that sense of control back.

Meet you right over there.

The post How To Stop Overthinking: From Awareness to Antidote appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.