Happiness Archives - Nandyz Soulshine https://nandyzsoulshine.com/category/happiness/ Fri, 19 Dec 2025 05:50:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 https://i0.wp.com/nandyzsoulshine.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/site-identity_image.png?fit=32%2C32&ssl=1 Happiness Archives - Nandyz Soulshine https://nandyzsoulshine.com/category/happiness/ 32 32 115222163 5 Essential Life Skills You CAN’T Afford To Overlook https://nandyzsoulshine.com/5-essential-life-skills-you-cant-afford-to-overlook/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=5-essential-life-skills-you-cant-afford-to-overlook https://nandyzsoulshine.com/5-essential-life-skills-you-cant-afford-to-overlook/#respond Mon, 27 May 2024 09:49:54 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=9273 Uncover the key life skills you need for happiness and success. Practical proven strategies to navigate any challenge breaking free from what’s secretly holding you back. From making better decisions to developing resilience to change these life skills will show you how to navigate life effectively in the new normal #skillstothrive #realworldskills #happiness #success #psychologytips

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These 5 life skills are essential because they not only help deal with life problems more effectively but also provide tools to successfully achieve your goals. So, let’s see how to develop, improve, and use them in the real world backed by what science has to say about it. 

Don’t miss the fifth one, it makes every skill more powerful.

How to Quickly develop 5 essential life skills

1. Resilience (for stress management, adaptability, and flexibility)

Whether it’s a work problem or a personal challenge, resilience gives us the tools to handle them in a way that they have the least possible effect on our goals, motivation, and general sense of satisfaction in life. It’s a core life skill because it helps manage stress and uncertainties better by empowering us to respond, react, and adapt in a productive way.

 

The science behind it –

Studies have found that the anterior mid-cingulate cortex is directly connected to tenacity and willpower and that it gets activated better when we have to overcome some resistance. This simply means that when you do what you really don’t want to do, or resist something that you really want to you are exercising resilience, training that part of the brain to stay in control which is responsible for creative thinking and problem-solving. That’s how we make better decisions and stay in control.

 

How to do it –

And the best part is that resisting simple things can work better than doing tough things we have gotten used to. Like, if you stop yourself from eating that cookie or even wait till you finish whatever you are doing before eating it. That would help activate the anterior mid-cingulate cortex and exercise resilience more than managing something tough. Like, dealing with a nagging boss that has become an everyday task for you. The key is to do a little bit more or a little bit less than what feels normal so that you experience some resistance.

2. Problem-solving

From fixing the broken cabinet door to navigating difficult conversations, we use problem-solving skills in so many ways every day. Our ability to develop solutions or find creative workarounds to problems not only helps us navigate the complexities in life but also get what we truly want… successfully achieve goals. Problem-solving is one of the essential life skills because it makes us more confident in our ability to handle whatever comes our way.

 

The science behind this essential life skill –

From the evolutionary psychology point of view, problem-solving is hardwired in our brain for survival, think creatively to meet basic needs. Problem-solving makes us more adaptable to change.

And according to cognitive science, it makes us more confident. When developing solutions we need to consider different perspectives. And this not only means we are adding to our knowledge base but also tweaking to what works better, refining our abilities. This reinforces those neural pathways making us more confident about handling problems in the future too. 

 

How to do it –

To make this work faster, create your own structured approach, a framework, that works for you. Like,

Step 1 – stop worrying to think more productively. And a quick way to do this is asking ‘Are the things I am worrying about most likely to happen or are they the worst-case scenario?’ 

Step 2- get specific. What exactly do you want solved because it’s tough to find solutions for vague things like, “This is not working”. But remember to focus on the things you do want instead of what you don’t want.

Step 3 – Find what needs to be done next. And it’s good to remember that those goals and action plans have a better chance of getting completed which have a timeframe set for them. 

How to stay calm in any situation, even when saying No, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

3. Decision-making is an essential life skill

Now, while problem-solving is about being creative, and generating new ideas and solutions to the roadblocks and problems in life, decision-making is about choosing which one of these would work best for us. And making better decisions faster is one of the most essential life skills because what seems to be the best option at first isn’t always the best one to choose.

 

The science behind it –

The option that instinctively feels right could be a heuristic trap.

While heuristics can reduce the burden of decision-making and free up limited cognitive resources, they can also be costly when they lead individuals to miss critical information or act on unjust biases.

– Psychology Today

The brain quickly finds a past situation that seems similar and suggests what worked in that situation. But the problem is that it can ignore potentially important stuff to find similarity. This means, what worked before won’t necessarily work for what we want done right now.

 

How to do it –

What saves time and energy, is to do an opportunity cost analysis. When we choose to go down one way, it means it is coming at the cost of all the other options we are giving up. And so, the given-up possibilities are the cost of that opportunity. So, find which option leaves you with the least regret. It will help quickly check whether the option ties in with your priorities or not.

4. Responsibility (for better relationships and self-management)

This is one of the essential life skills because knowing we can make things happen instead of feeling like things keep happening to us, not only

  • improves our relationships because being accountable for our actions makes us come across as reliable, dependable, and trustworthy
  • but it also motivates us to set and achieve goals influencing what happens more in our life.

 

The science behind it –

Setting and pursuing goals taps into our psychological need for autonomy and our belief in our ability to succeed. Plus, when we skill up to achieve those goals or find ways to overcome problems along the way, it boosts neuroplasticity in the brain.

 

How to do it –

A quick and easy way to do this is to simply reframe the situation highlighting what your influence can be on it. Like, “I worked so hard but my proposal got rejected because they didn’t tell me about all the dos and don’ts”. Instead of that, try, “Next time, I will make sure to double check all the dos and don’ts.” When we highlight our influence on any situation, it adds to self-efficacy… our belief in our ability to achieve goals.

5. Booster to make these essential life skills more powerful

This life skill helps us use those tools effectively, which empowers us to make the best of any situation. Watch the video up top to learn how to make this your default way of approaching anything in life.

I hope you found this useful.

Learn 5 essential life skills using evidence-based techniques, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

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]]> https://nandyzsoulshine.com/5-essential-life-skills-you-cant-afford-to-overlook/feed/ 0 9273 How to build resilience? Do just THIS! https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-build-resilience-do-just-this/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-build-resilience-do-just-this https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-build-resilience-do-just-this/#respond Tue, 07 May 2024 09:47:58 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=9234 Learn how to develop resilience and overcome obstacles with practical tips based in the science of resilience. Boost your mental strength with proven strategies in this ultimate guide to building resilience and facing challenges head-on #resilience #lifeproblems#mentallystrong

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The only way to build resilience, the thing at the core of almost every resilience building skill is focusing on the right thing. But what is the right thing? That’s exactly what we will be exploring today. Plus, a practical strategy to make doing it easy and a neuroscience-based tool to build resilience doing what we do every day.

3 Evidence-based ways to build resilience

1. What to focus on

What all situations that need us to be resilient have in common is that they stress us out to such a degree that we start feeling helpless. That’s why, building resilience means getting things in perspective faster so that we know what to do next, get back that sense of control.

A 2020 study A Translational Paradigm to Study the Effects of Uncontrollable Stress in Humans by Laura E Meine found that not being able to control the outcome affects how stressed we feel. It leads to passivity, a tendency to give up to circumstances, and repeated over time, results in a cycle of passivity and helplessness.

And knowing we can do something about it is important because how much in control we feel in any situation decides how much it can stress us out.

Focus on –

And so, the right thing to focus on to build resilience is whatever makes you feel in control. 

“It’s really important that I learn for myself that although I don’t always have control over the stressor, I do have some control over my reaction to it.” – Dr. Michele Wessa

(Research Group Leader, Leibniz Institute for Resilience Research)

Even when we can’t control what’s happening, we are still in control of how we act, react, or respond, right? That’s a choice we always have. And that’s powerful because it lets us add our voice to the outcome, influence how things work out or at least how long they can keep us down.

2. Practical strategy to make it easier

The simplest way to stay in control is to get into the problem-solving mode because it works on so many different levels –

  • minimize stress.
  • helps find a way forward.
  • And so, bounce back faster.

Strategy –

Step 1: Direction

The first thing is to make sure we work in the right direction. So, after letting the initial emotions of frustration, anger, and disappointment play out, ask, ‘What is my priority right now’? Like, is it finding what to do next, to move on, a better way of doing something, or is it minimizing whatever damage has been done?

Trying to answer this not only makes us think intentionally which snaps us out of the stress mode but also helps channel our thoughts towards finding solutions for something specific.

Step 2: Options

If finding out what can help… coming up with ideas of what can be done is proving to be a problem, identify who or where you are willing to take ideas and advice from. Knowing this helps because what ideas we are exposing ourselves to decides to a large degree how easy or not it would be to build resilience.

The MAO-A gene produces happiness eaters – MAO-A enzyme that breaks down serotonin and norepinephrine available in the synaptic clefts.

Dr. Katharina Domschke, Head of Psychiatry at the University of Freiburg found that negative life events were more likely to lead to the MAO-A being less methylated while positive life events were more likely to be associated with increased methylation, possibly indicating resilience.

Our genes in part decide how resilient we will be. But how big a part it would play is decided by the experiences and the environment we find ourselves in. And so, whatever options you come up with, focus on the ones which are within your control.

Step 3: Action plan

Reverse engineer whatever you have decided is going to help you. Like, “If I want this to happen, what needs to be in place, and so what needs to be in place for that?” Keep asking this till you reach the point where the next thing is to ask, “So what does that mean I need to do today”?

The answers will give you a step-by-step action plan to make what you want happen, starting with what needs to be done next.

how to build resilience by not taking things personally too quickly too often, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

3. Evidence-based tool to build resilience

This tool is based on the neuroscientific fact that the anterior mid-cingulate cortex is directly connected to tenacity and willpower. Watch the video up top to learn how to use this tool doing what you do every day.

Hope you found this useful.

 

3 evidence-based tips on how to build resilience, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

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]]> https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-build-resilience-do-just-this/feed/ 0 9234 3 Ways How To Motivate Yourself | Science-backed formula https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-motivate-yourself/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-motivate-yourself https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-motivate-yourself/#respond Mon, 15 Jan 2024 05:51:12 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=8932 Knowing how to motivate yourself is really important as it won’t only make you more productive but also help take back control of your life. This video from Nandyz Soulshine shows how to use the science of motivation and science-backed techniques to get motivated and stay motivated. We will explore how to achieve your goals even when there’s no motivation to do anything. Plus, why the ‘no motivation only discipline’ idea can do more harm than good and what is it that really works. #getmotivatedstaymotivated #motivated #howtomotivateyourself #moreproductive

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These 3 things can tell you whether all that time and energy you are putting in is going to get you results or will it get tough to keep showing up after a while. And if staying motivated is going to be a problem but the task is important for you, then how to motivate yourself.

How to motivate yourself

1. What really motivates us

Here’s a fact – no one can get us motivated to do anything, provide motivation for us. They can get us excited, all charged up to take action but not truly motivated because motivation is something that has got to begin within us.

Motivational stuff does work, but only when they touch an intense desire for something we already have. It can feed the fire but not spark it within us. 

What really motivate us is consequences – something we are seeking, expecting will happen, or it’s something we are trying to avoid. Like, we can be motivated to stick to the diet to be in perfect health for the vacation planned later in the year. Or, we can be motivated to meet the deadline mainly to avoid everything not meeting the deadline would mean.

 

How to motivate yourself –

1. Autonomy.

Feeling empowered to choose. When we choose to work towards something rather than putting in our time and effort to avoid consequences, that’s when we get motivated and stay motivated longer.

“When you perceive choice, you perceive motivation”

– Ellen Langer, ‘Mindfulness’

Pull motivation always works better. Our belief in, our desire and need for something pulling us towards it works much better than push motivation, trying to avoid something. Because being constantly on the lookout can really get exhausting after a while.

2. Motivation + ______.

But sometimes we just have to do some things even if the result is not pulling us towards it. And it’s then that something more besides motivation ensures that the time and energy we are putting in wouldn’t be all wasted effort. We will go into this in details towards the end of this video. But before that, we need to get clear about something.

2. Is motivation a key ingredient of your action plan?

If motivation is a key ingredient of your action plan, then you will find this interesting. We may need motivation either because we are tired and don’t want to do something. Or, because we are feeling anxious about how things might turn out and need to feel motivated to overcome that resistance and start taking action. 

Neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman calls this limbic friction… when the rational part of our brain knows we have to do something but the survival part, the limbic system isn’t really convinced.

Now, motivation is connected to dopamine. When we like the result of doing something, dopamine is released in the brain and it works like a treat or reward – getting it makes us want more. And the way to getting more is to keep repeating what we did earlier.

In other words, we become motivated to keep repeating the action. And that’s why they say, motivation comes from taking action, not the other way round. So, how to motivate yourself to take that first step? 

 

How to motivate yourself –

1. Be specific.

Being specific about what doing that task is going to do for you. It works both ways. It helps get energize, motivate yourself to take action despite feeling tired… and it will also help overcome that nervousness that was holding you back because now we want that result… it puts pull motivation in place.

2. Simplest action step.

So, when there’s no motivation to begin, get specific about how directly or even indirectly doing that thing is important for you before you find the simplest action step to get the motivational ball rolling.

3. How to motivate yourself - best way to get results

Now, which one do you think is more important to get results – staying motivated or discipline and willpower? Which one works for you? Because knowing this helps us see how fast are we going to get results.

One line of ideas say that you don’t need motivation, it fluctuates, it’s unreliable. And so it’s better to simply depend on discipline and your willpower to keep showing up because consistently putting one step in front of the other is what gets us past the end line.

But then, there’s also the fact that motivation, especially intrinsic motivation or the intense desire to achieve that goal can help us get past all the hurdles and get results. The pull motivation makes it easier for us to keep moving forward through all the problems and low-energy days.

 

What works best –

Here’s the thing. We all have a limited amount of willpower available each day and every choice that requires self-control uses it up a little, which is called ego depletion. And discipline without motivation costs a lot of willpower. Watch the video up top to see the formula that gets us results faster even on low energy days when doubts start cropping up.

Meet you right over there. Hope you found this useful.  

How to, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

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]]> https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-motivate-yourself/feed/ 0 8932 How to Be Happy in Life: 3 Myths Busted And What To Do Instead https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-be-happy-in-life-myths-busted/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-be-happy-in-life-myths-busted https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-be-happy-in-life-myths-busted/#respond Mon, 07 Aug 2023 08:17:24 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=8433 Here’s why popular notions about how to be happy can misguide and hurt more than help. And also, what to do instead. Let's explore how to be happy psychology to see why the habits of happy people work, how to be happy from inside, and how to be happy again. Whether it's ‘I want to be happier’ or how to be happy with yourself, this will bring a lot of clarity #howtobehappy #mythsbusted #happiness

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Let’s use science to bust up some popular myths about –

  • how to be happy in life,
  • why these popular notions don’t work, and
  • what to do instead

because even though you may know happiness is about getting our needs met, how we go about it can make all the difference.

How to be happy in life

Myth #1: Money can't buy happiness

As an emotion, you definitely can’t buy happiness because emotions can’t be bought…BUT buying time can make us happier. Like, spending money on time-saving things.

Imagine having to go through a sink-load of dishes when you are bone-tired and all you want to do is just go to bed. Wouldn’t it make you happier if someone else did that for you without grumbling, like the dishwasher?

Whatever frees up more time and energy for us to do the things that you really want to do can make us feel happier. 

A 2017 study published in the National Academy of Sciences journal PNAS – ‘Buying time promotes happiness’ by AV Whillans et al, found that spending money on things that buy time can make us happier and feel more satisfied with life.

 

What to do instead:

  1. Bigger expenses – This idea shows us how to be happy by simply auditing and editing what we are already doing. So, check what are you spending your money on. 
  2. What’s the motivation – Find out the real motivation behind those expenses.  Are the bigger expenses more on things that are good to own, or do they make life simpler, easier, free up more time and energy for you to do the things that you really want to do.
  3. Change relationship with money – Money isn’t the root of all evil, the love of money is! Money can make us happy if we use it as a tool. How to be happy in life is a lot about changing our relationship with money. Instead of letting it set the tone of our life, we start looking at it simply as an enabler that will help us do the things we really want to do. And when the focus shifts from money as something desirable to what it will enable us to do…our choices in life start to change. They start leaning more towards those that will make us feel truly happy and satisfied in life.

Myth #2: How to be happy in life? Less problems means you are happier

If someone seems happy most of the time, we instinctively think they don’t have any problems. Because, if they had, they surely would look stressed or worried more? But, it’s not how many problems we have in our life, but how skilled we are at handling those, how resilient we are that makes all the difference. Our thoughts drive our emotions. Knowing how to bounce back from tough situations is the key to how to be happy. 

Playing it safe to limit the number of problems… trying to avoid anything that doesn’t feel comfortable… that is simply adding to our regrets in life… and definitely not the way to be happy.

Like, we hear about people who went through something very similar, but where one of them let it limit what they did with their life, the other let the emotions play, but then they took it up as a challenge and adapted to the changed situations… and made it work for them becoming happy again – that’s resilience in progress.

 

How to be happy in life instead:

  1. Use everyday problems – The more challenges we go through, the more resilient we become. But it doesn’t mean going out of our way to look for challenges. It simply means not avoiding those little everyday problems. You know, those awkward conversations or tough decisions we would rather avoid. Because that gives us a framework to use when tougher situations pop up. And the more competent we feel about handling anything that comes our way, the happier we generally are with life. Because feeling competent is one of our core psychological needs and being happy is about getting our needs met, right?
  2. Automate it – To make it easier, we can tweak some things we are already doing and build them up as simple habits to automatically approach any situation more effectively. Like, snapping out of the worry loop, or making anything easier to handle.

Myth #3: Achieving your goals will make you happy

We think getting what we set to get… achieving goals will make us happy. Like, I will be so happy when I have finally done that. That can be so, but it depends on 2 things.

Watch the video up top to know what these key things are and how to use them to be happy in life.

Meet you right over there,

how to be happy in life, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

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]]> https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-be-happy-in-life-myths-busted/feed/ 0 8433 How To Stop Overthinking: From Awareness to Antidote https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stop-overthinking/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-stop-overthinking https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stop-overthinking/#respond Sat, 08 Jul 2023 09:27:35 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=8292 Overthinking and worrying add stress to an already stressful situation and can affect our overall wellbeing and mental health. For a more empowered approach to life, we need to learn how to stop overthinking and worrying about everything. Here are some psychology-based tips to quickly stop overthinking and start taking action #overthinking #worrying #stressmanagement #mentalhealthmatters

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How can you tell if you are just being cautious and thinking something through or really overthinking it? Because it’s not really about ‘how long’ we are mulling over something, but ‘how’ we are doing it. And while thinking through helps make more sense of things and tunes down that feeling of stress, overthinking does just the opposite. So, let’s see how to stop overthinking quickly and get on with life using some simple but powerful psychology-based ideas.

4-step action plan for how to stop overthinking

1. Know when

It is overthinking when you are more focused on all the things that could go wrong. As is rehashing things from the past focusing only on what went wrong. And there is nothing productive in all this… there’s no solution with overthinking.

But there is with problem-solving because it is more about looking for a solution than fixating on possible problems.

 

Signs of overthinking –

These show we are worrying the wrong way. So, the obvious thing to do here is contain the situation, right? Freeze it where it is so that we can start fixing the tools we use to approach the situation.

2. Stop it from spiraling

Overthinking is all about eliminating uncertainty from the future. But, with future there will always be an element of uncertainty when it comes to what might happen in the future because of all the things out of our control. 

“Worry is all about trying to resolve and eliminate uncertainty about the future.”

– Dr. Michael Stein

(Clinical psychologist, founder of Anxiety Solutions)

Now, uncertainty is also seen as a survival threat by our brain. It doesn’t trust unknown things and so activates the stress mode.

So, ‘uncertainty’ essentially connects stress and overthinking together. And when in stress mode, our brain cuts access to the reasoning and problem-solving part of our brain leaving us with very limited tools to work with.

To get out of the stress mode we can either –

  • distract ourselves doing something we like till the time we are ready to handle it more productively. Or,
  • do something to activate our creative, problem-solving part of the brain so that the survival part is no longer in control.

 

How to do that –

A quick way how to stop overthinking, activate the problem-solving part is to follow every troubling thought with a ‘but’ and a positive thing. Like, “what if I mess this up, BUT I have also done things in my life without messing them up.”  

It will get you to think actively, be creative to come up with an answer. And that shifts us to the pre-frontal cortex, problem-solving part of the brain, which now will work to show us the way out.

3. Make it manageable

Now that we are in the problem-solving mode, ask

  • what’s the worst case scenario, 
  • and what’s the best that could happen (even if you are pretty sure that it might not happen), but
  • what’s most likely to happen.

Due to our survival auto-settings and the filters in our brain through which we make sense of the world around us, we focus more on the negative points on anything than what might work, or what’s good.  Because of this, it might be that what you think is most likely to happen is closer to your worst-case scenario. 

Overthinking creates more stress by focusing on the negative, dwelling on the past and worrying about your future.

– Cleveland Clinic 

So, to stop catastrophizing and bring things back into perspective, cognitively reframe the situation.

1. Contrasting proof –

Find 2 examples when this hasn’t happened, even if in some other context.

2. Make the ‘evidence against’ count –

Put them together in a sentence ending with ‘and this might happen’. It is designed to bring things into a more balanced and realisticperspective. It makes the evidence against what we are worrying about, also count in how we think things might be.

4. The antidote - how to stop overthinking

Worrying and overthinking bring a sense of powerlessness, as if there’s nothing to be done. Watch the video up top to know what to do next to get that sense of control back.

Meet you right over there.

how to stop overthinking using science-backed techniques, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

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]]> https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stop-overthinking/feed/ 0 8292 How To Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty | Beginner’s Guide https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-set-boundaries/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-set-boundaries https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-set-boundaries/#respond Fri, 23 Jun 2023 07:41:45 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=8219 How to set boundaries without feeling guilty or coming across as rude? Here's boundaries 101 for beginners with strategies that actually work. It'll make setting boundaries easier with prompts about what to say, when to say, and how to communicate it.It will make setting boundaries in relationships feel less selfish, unkind, or rude... essentially setting boundaries that work #healthyboundaries #boundariesinrelationships #settingboundaries

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Boundaries are all about creating a space to live the kind of life we want. They are small things that we can do to protect our time and energy without feeling stressed. So, let’s see how to set boundaries without feeling guilty or being rude.

3 Steps how to set boundaries

To stop feeling guilty about setting boundaries, we need to understand first and foremost that  it’s all about us. Not about changing anyone else, or telling others what they should be doing. It’s more to do with letting people know how we want to be treated and what’s okay with us and what’s not.

Healthy, flexible boundaries help foster well-being, self-control, and self-esteem.

– Journal of Family Theory and Review (Vol.10, issue 2, June 2018)

We don’t share our passwords with people not because we don’t like them, but because we want to protect our personal space, right? It’s a boundary and it’s about us.

People can like or dislike the choices we make, but we are not responsible for how others feel about our choices in life. That’s what it means to set boundaries – making clear distinction between what’s our responsibility and what’s not. How our life shapes up, is our responsibility. But how others feel about it, is their responsibility. 

1. Which boundaries to set

So, keeping this in mind the first step is to identify which boundaries we need.

  1. Ask what isn’t working right now. What are the things that frustrate me, make me feel irritated or exhausted? Who or what do I feel resentful against because I am pressured to do something? These questions help us find the areas in our life that would work better with some limits and structure in place.
  2. So, the question now is what will help protect your time, space, or sanity? Keep in mind what is and isn’t in your control. And be as specific as you can. What would you like to say no to so that you have more time and energy to say yes to the things you really want… giving you a better sense of control over your life.

Finding which boundaries to set is a very important step because it brings us clarity about what it’s going to change for us and why that change is important for us. It is the biggest thing that will help you navigate through all the pushback, all those ‘why are you being so difficult’ questions when setting boundaries.

2. How to set boundaries without being rude

It might feel like we are about to step into an unpleasant conversation, but knowing how to set boundaries in relationships is important because we can’t always be there for the people in our life. We can try, but it’s exhausting and impractical because we have other things going on in our life, right? A lack of healthy boundaries can leave everyone feeling drained, guilty, or resentful of each other.

  1. Practice. Practice what you would like to say first on your own. I like doing this because it makes me feel ready for how they might react and how I would then respond productively in each scenario. It makes me feel more in control, more confident.
  2. Right setup. It’s important that we stay calm, give them our full attention, and pick the right time and place to communicate our boundaries.
  3. Non-accusing. Use I more than you. Like, “I feel this when this is said to me”. You feels a bit accusing, whereas I lowers the chances of people getting defensive. 
  4. Clear and simple. Pick the main thing that is bothering you and focus on that. Be clear about what you are expecting and what’s not acceptable.
  5. Expect pushback. If there’s pushback, “like that’s very selfish of you”, or “It didn’t bother you before”, it’s better to simply acknowledge that you understand they might be feeling this way. But this is what works for you and is important for you. 
How to stay calm in any situation, even when saying No, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

3. Goldilocks approach to maintain boundaries

And once we let people know what’s okay and not for us, it’s important that we stick to the boundaries we set because otherwise it creates confusion. People don’t know where they stand with us, what can they count on us for.

It becomes a ‘why not’ conversation which drains our energy to the point where we decide to just ‘go with the flow’. But, going with the flow doesn’t make things easier. It only adds resentment to the relationship which hurts it in the long run.

So, sticking to our boundaries is important, but here’s the twist.

Watch the video up top to see how to navigate this twist effectively.

Meet you over there.

how to set boundaries, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

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]]> https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-set-boundaries/feed/ 0 8219 How To Stay Motivated When Life Gets Hard | Science Of Motivation https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stay-motivated/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-stay-motivated https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stay-motivated/#respond Fri, 02 Jun 2023 06:09:49 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=8135 To get the most out of the energy, time, and resources we out into something, we need to stay motivated till the end. And these 3 strategies based on the science of motivation show how to stay motivated when facing challenges or setbacks to achieve your goals. Don't let burnout, self-doubt, or failure hold you back #staymotiated #getmotivated #psychologyfacts

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How to stay motivated through the uncertainties in life? The answer lies in knowing whether you are truly motivated to do something or simply excited about it. Because the answer can tell you beforehand whether you will actually get the results you want or end up losing steam midway. But before getting into that, we need to make sure we have the right foundation for this to be truly effective.

3 Strategies for how to stay motivated when life gets hard

1. Before you begin

How do some people handle all the uncertainties, all the ups and downs managing to achieve what they set out to get? That’s because they anchor their motivation to the result that they want instead of to the things that they would rather avoid.

We can be motivated either by moving away from something or moving towards something. Like,

  • if you are exercising to amp up your health and have the kind of energy you need for that vacation planned for later this year, that’s approach motivation, moving towards something.
  • But, if we are exercising to stop gaining weight, then that’s avoidance or push motivation, moving away from something. “If I don’t exercise, I am going to gain weight.”

 

Strategy – Check your compass

What – To stay motivated through all the uncertainties, setbacks, and hurdles begin with one question,

“how does doing this fit in, even in a small way, with what I want in my life?”

Why – Because when we anchor our motivation to a bigger picture that’s closer to our heart, our desire for that, pulls us through all the changes, hurdles, or setbacks along the way.

When we remove fear from what’s motivating us, it helps us feel more in control of our decision to show up. A motivation compass pointing towards ‘wanting’ always works longer than the one pointing to ‘avoidance’.

2. Build automatic top-ups

It’s important to know the difference between simply feeling excited and being truly motivated. We can feel really excited about something, but until and unless it speaks to our interests, preferences, and instincts we can’t feel truly motivated to see it through.

The brain structure that manages motivation is shaped by our genes and the experiences we have had over time. Which essentially means that the best way how to stay motivated is to make sure that whatever we do

  • holds meaning for us, and

  • we get positive feedback like seeing progress or some kind of reward.

But if things keep working exactly as we were expecting them to, they start to feel less and less exciting, right? That’s because the neural activity triggered in the dopamine system starts to drop. 

But if we begin right, then feeling demotivated, unexcited, or bored simply signal that the batteries need to be topped up. If you have your intrinsic motivation in place, uncertainties and challenges can actually add to your motivation instead of hurting it because they help keep things fresh. 

Strategy – Build automatic top-ups

  1. Distance –

    Whenever problems or hurdles crop up that seem just too big to be dealt with, use second position of perceptual repositioning to distance yourself from the problem because our emotions have a way of blowing things out of proportion. Think, what would you advise your best friend if they came to you for advice on this same thing?

  2. Milestones – Now, with that advice in mind, create an action plan. But instead of one single stop at the end, build milestones along the way… smaller chunks of tasks so that anticipating success becomes easier. The motivation to act needs at least some expectation of success because dopamine is released when we ‘anticipate’ success.

Now, this strategy is for when challenges and hurdles hurt our motivation. But what when the doubt and resistance comes from within? What about when burnout, self-doubt, or a lack of progress causes motivation slump?

How to, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

3. How to stay motivated? Have the tools ready

There are a lot of things out of our control that can affect our energy and our willingness to keep showing up. They can create periods of uncertainty where we doubt what’s possible for us, what we can do, and how correct are our decisions. Like, how someone reacted or what someone said can affect what we think of our ability in a totally different area of our life.

Why this happens – 

Our brain’s main task is survival. And so, if something feels stressful, it tries to keep us away from all such situations by whatever means necessary, even if they are in a different context.

The different neural pathways like dopamine and serotonin pathways create powerful associations between what we do and how it made us feel physically and emotionally. And that then drives our behavior.

And even though we can’t control what anyone else says or does, or what’s breaking out in the world, we can keep some tools handy to stop our mood deciding whether we do what needs to be done or sit scrolling on the phone.

Strategy – Handy tools to get back on track

To know one of the quickest ways to start seeing value again… get motivated to start showing up, watch the video up top.

Hope you found this useful.

how to stay motivated when life gets hard, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

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]]> https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stay-motivated/feed/ 0 8135 How To Stop Feeling Overwhelmed – 4 One-Minute Habits https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stop-feeling-overwhelmed/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-stop-feeling-overwhelmed https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stop-feeling-overwhelmed/#respond Tue, 09 May 2023 07:39:29 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=8082 1-minute simple habits can help you stop feeling overwhelmed whether with too much to do in too little time, or with the uncertainties in life. They help deal with stress better, with better time management, feeling stuck in life, worrying and overthinking. These easy tweaks will empower you to take back control of your life #overwhelmed #stopfeelingoverwhelmed #stressrelief #takebackcontrol

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These 4 one-minute habits may seem small, but they work quickly and are key to stop feeling overwhelmed, whether it’s with all the things you have to manage in life right now or at work. And because it’s easier to see results when you know how something works, I will also share with you why these habits are effective.

1-minute habits to stop feeling overwhelmed

1. Pause and ask

Whenever things start feeling just too much, take a pause and answer this simple question. “What is the one small thing that I feel I can do right now?”. Or, “what one small thing can I do right now to influence this situation the way I want?”

 

Why this works – 

  1. It snaps us out of the stress mode by forcing us to think and reason. This action disengages our reptilian brain which was limiting our thinking capacity when triggered by stress.
  2. Because we think this would need less effort from us compared to all that we are supposed to do, we feel less resistance to taking action. It’s based on the principle of least effort. This will shift our focus from how we are feeling to what needs to be done. 

And because action is the best antidote to stress and overwhelm, it will help us feel back in control once more.

2. Smart batching to stop feeling overwhelmed

Sometimes, the sheer amount of things that need to be done can make us roll over in bed with a ‘why is it morning again’. You know what I’m talking about, right?

And the one-minute habit that can help us stop feeling overwhelmed and start the day feeling totally in control is ‘smart batching’. Before getting down to that to-do list, take a minute to sort all the like tasks together and bunch them into groups.

It’s different from batching for time management in that, smart batching focuses more on managing time, energy, and motivation better. Plan task groups alternately that demand different energy levels.

Like, outdoor tasks, followed by indoor ones. Then may be tasks that require interacting with other people followed by some quiet focused work like planning or brainstorming.

 

Why it works – 

  1. These different groups generally use different functionally associated neurons in our brain. And so when we alternate task groups, it provides a kind of subtle downtime to the ones that we were using earlier. This helps us manage the effects of stress on our body better.

  2. Because alternating task batches means working in a different way every time a batch is completed, it breaks the monotony… you know that feeling of “how long? I can’t do this anymore”. Also, knowing that you have finished a batch, putting a tick against it, keeps the motivation level up because the little doses of dopamine it releases every time.

3. Limits are good

To stop feeling overwhelmed with all that’s left to do, you know when you are doing something and the thought of all that’s left to do kind of makes you feel tired already? That’s stress mode kicking in… freeze of the fight, flight, freeze response.

So, to stop that from happening, take a few seconds before beginning any task to set the timer on. Because whatever time we allow for anything, it stretches to fill up that time.  It’s called the Parkinson’s law. So you can easily imagine what happens when you don’t begin with a timeframe in mind. 

And to know why this works and what can make it add to your stress, watch the video up top. It also has the fourth 1-minute habit that is based strongly on how our brain works.

Meet you right over there.

How to stay calm in any situation, even when saying No, www.nandyzsoulshine.com
how to stop feeling overwhelmed using simple 1-minute habits, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

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]]> https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stop-feeling-overwhelmed/feed/ 0 8082 Setting The Right Goals: Guidelines For Success https://nandyzsoulshine.com/setting-the-right-goals/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=setting-the-right-goals https://nandyzsoulshine.com/setting-the-right-goals/#respond Wed, 21 Dec 2022 06:43:46 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=7461 Goals set the direction of our actions and decisions. That's what makes setting the right goals indispensable to living a truly meaningful, content, and happy life. This article + video from Nandyz Soulshine shows the psychology behind goal setting, the goal setting theory, how to get clear on your goals, how to achieve goals, stay motivated and focused to achieve your goals. Plus, why don’t new year resolutions work #goalsetting #achieveyourgoals #settingtherightgoals #newyearresolutionsreasons

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How do you make sure you see something through to the end? Even though the obvious answer might seem to be “by staying motivated of course”… that’s not where it actually begins. So, before learning how to weave motivation into our goals so as not to have to worry about it again, let’s first see what goes into setting the right goals … the kind of goals that essentially make this possible.

3 Keys to setting the right goals for success

1. Choosing the right goals

There are countless different ways of setting the right goals and some of them are truly effective. But what we want to do today is to take the core idea away – what is it that makes them work. Because once you know that, you can adapt it to your own style.

According to NLP, neurolinguistic programming, one of the ways to look at it is that they use the head, heart, gut filter. 

Let’s take for example, the world-famous Edward de Bono’s 6 thinking hats technique. In that too,

  1. We first listen to our head listing all the facts (white hat) all the benefits or plus points (yellow hat), and what are the risks that might crop up (black hat).
  2. Then we consider the heart. What possibilities can we see, new ideas, (green hat) and also how we feel about it, what our intuition is saying (red hat)… things which we sometimes can’t really justify with proofs but feel is right.
  3. And then comes the gut element. What seems to be the right choice having looked at the goal from every angle, considered all that is involved (blue hat). Is it going to be a yes or a no? And if it is a yes, then what’s the best way to go about it knowing all that we know now?

Because setting the right goals is about…

checking how in sync are they with –

  • what we want right now,
  • how we like to go about things,
  • how ready are we to put in all the time and effort it demands, and

  • whether the goal is taking us towards or away from how we want our life to look in the long run.

And having got this level of clarity about the goal, we then maximize its chances of succeeding. We optimize the goal for success.

How to, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

2. Optimizing goals for success

One of the main reasons some goals and most of the new year resolutions don’t work for many people is because they might be setting the right goals but not setting it the right way. And that makes them

 

1. Word your goals properly – 

Vague goals can sometimes do more harm than good because we can lose motivation just like that without knowing why. Like say, we set the goal, “I will earn more money this year.” But as we didn’t specify how much or how, even a small temporary bump in our earning can signal our brain that the goal is reached. And so, we can lose our motivation to work on the goal.

 

2. Set ‘towards’ goals –

One important thing to keep in mind is to set goals that are working towards than working away from something. Like, “I don’t want to gain any weight this year” is a working-away-from goal. It is kind of an ongoing indefinite kind of thing… always worrying whether what you are eating is going to add extra weight or not.

But, if we word the same thing like, “I will take x number of calories and run 2 miles every day this year maintaining my weight at y pounds and if it goes up, I will run 10 minutes extra daily till it comes back down”. It becomes a working towards goal and gives us something to do proactively not just wait and watch.

 

3. Use Edwin Locke’s theory of motivation –

What the goal in this example also has working for it, is that it is specific, measurable, time-bound, realistic, and doable…. so it has got all the ingredients of a SMART goal. 

And Edwin Locke’s theory of motivation also supports this, which essentially shows that clear specific goals that feel challenging but are also realistic with a clear way to evaluate the progress and clear deadline… that kind of goal has all the ingredients to keep us motivated to keep showing up.

But, this kind of motivation is extrinsic and needs constant topping up. Sure, the different parts of the SMART goal do that work pretty well… but what can amp this up is connecting it to a more constant source… backing it up with intrinsic motivation. And this is quite logical and really simple to do.

How to succeed beyond your self limiting beliefs

3. Weaving motivation into your goals

See, sometimes we set goals with the best intention, wording it the best way we know but somehow the conviction to achieve it starts to lose steam a few steps in… other things pop up which need to handled urgently and before we know it has become one of those things that we come across doing some spring cleaning and go ….”Yeah, wow, I had absolutely forgotten about this!”

Setting the right goals doesn’t guarantee the availability of motivation every step of the way. And chunking up helps shift the source of motivation from outside factors to something inside of us.

And to know how to do that, watch the video up top.

Meet you right over there.

setting the right goals, www.nandyzsoulshine.com

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]]> https://nandyzsoulshine.com/setting-the-right-goals/feed/ 0 7461 How To Stop Worrying And Start Living: 3 Keys To Worry Productively https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stop-worrying/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-to-stop-worrying https://nandyzsoulshine.com/how-to-stop-worrying/#respond Tue, 22 Nov 2022 09:37:01 +0000 https://nandyzsoulshine.com/?p=7286 Worrying is important for our survival. The important thing is to learn how to stop worrying unproductively... stop overthinking. To worry productively is to learn how to stop catastrophizing, stop those negative thoughts and overcome anxiety, relieve stress through disciplined way of thinking things through. These psychology-based techniques will help you learn the life skill of how to stop worrying and start living

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What do you focus on when you worry? That’s an important question when you want to learn how to stop worrying… and in a minute I will show you why. But first, let’s quickly learn how to locate your worry focus.

3 Steps to stop worrying unproductively

1. Know your worry focus

Broadly speaking there are a few categories or common thought patterns in which we think when feeling anxious or restless. Some of the common ones are –

  • Overgeneralization – If what’s worrying you is on the lines of “I am never good with such things”. It means our focus is on how we think things generally are for us.
  • Rumination – Things from past making us cringe or feel distressed over and over again with thoughts like “why did she say that to me”, or “why did he look at me like that?”
  • Mind reading – When we focus on what we assume how the other person must be interpreting things, like “they must be thinking this about me”. And that opens up a whole bunch of uncomfortable possibilities.
  • Minimization and negative attention – These are the times when we can’t stop worrying because we shortchange everything that’s going in our favor while focusing on all that could go wrong. Like, ”yeah, that’s all fine… but, what if this happens”

Why knowing your focus of worry is important is because it helps us see which technique would work best when… to stop worrying and start living, start taking action.

Like, if we are thinking in an overgeneralized pattern, then chunking down and cognitive restructuring can help…. getting down to specifics and then changing to a more productive way of looking at things.

2. How to stop worrying? Break the worry loop

For the worrying thoughts that have a more external focus, like “what if this doesn’t work” or “they must be thinking this about me”, stop and ask these 2 questions –

  1. “Is it the most likely or is it the worst thing that could happen?” – When we worry, we overestimate the probability of something happening and this is what puts us in the stress mode. This question helps us snap out of that mode and look at it from a more realistic point of view…. whether it is justified worry with very likely risks or are we simply overthinking things. Getting clear about what’s truly likely to happen can help us make better decisions, stop worrying and start living.
  2. “Is it really that bad?” – When we are worrying about something, we assume the worst, and the worst seems very likely to happen. And that’s enough to put us in the survival mode. That’s why we can’t sometimes just switch those thoughts off in our head. Here, we are looking for evidence to support how real we think any risk is.

Now, the question is, what do we do about the things that we now know are quite likely to happen… how to stop worrying about them?

3. Don't make it harder

The key is to stop making things more difficult than they need to be. We worry to avoid uncertainty. But, the things out of our control will happen regardless if we worry about them or not. No need to make things more difficult than they already are because then performance anxiety sets in and it becomes tough to stop worrying and start living… start taking action.

To know what to do instead… and a helpful tool to bring all this to more solid grounds than just thoughts in your head, watch the video up top. 

I hope you found this helpful.

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