These 3 things can tell you whether all that time and energy you are putting in is going to get you results or will it get tough to keep showing up after a while. And if staying motivated is going to be a problem but the task is important for you, then how to motivate yourself.

How to motivate yourself

1. What really motivates us

Here’s a fact – no one can get us motivated to do anything, provide motivation for us. They can get us excited, all charged up to take action but not truly motivated because motivation is something that has got to begin within us.

Motivational stuff does work, but only when they touch an intense desire for something we already have. It can feed the fire but not spark it within us. 

What really motivate us is consequences – something we are seeking, expecting will happen, or it’s something we are trying to avoid. Like, we can be motivated to stick to the diet to be in perfect health for the vacation planned later in the year. Or, we can be motivated to meet the deadline mainly to avoid everything not meeting the deadline would mean.

How to motivate yourself –

1. Autonomy.

Feeling empowered to choose. When we choose to work towards something rather than putting in our time and effort to avoid consequences, that’s when we get motivated and stay motivated longer.

“When you perceive choice, you perceive motivation”

– Ellen Langer, ‘Mindfulness’

Pull motivation always works better. Our belief in, our desire and need for something pulling us towards it works much better than push motivation, trying to avoid something. Because being constantly on the lookout can really get exhausting after a while.

2. Motivation + ______.

But sometimes we just have to do some things even if the result is not pulling us towards it. And it’s then that something more besides motivation ensures that the time and energy we are putting in wouldn’t be all wasted effort. We will go into this in details towards the end of this video. But before that, we need to get clear about something.

https://youtu.be/nDTsbJO61Ec

2. Is motivation a key ingredient of your action plan?

If motivation is a key ingredient of your action plan, then you will find this interesting. We may need motivation either because we are tired and don’t want to do something. Or, because we are feeling anxious about how things might turn out and need to feel motivated to overcome that resistance and start taking action. 

Neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman calls this limbic friction… when the rational part of our brain knows we have to do something but the survival part, the limbic system isn’t really convinced.

Now, motivation is connected to dopamine. When we like the result of doing something, dopamine is released in the brain and it works like a treat or reward – getting it makes us want more. And the way to getting more is to keep repeating what we did earlier.

In other words, we become motivated to keep repeating the action. And that’s why they say, motivation comes from taking action, not the other way round. So, how to motivate yourself to take that first step? 

How to motivate yourself –

1. Be specific.

Being specific about what doing that task is going to do for you. It works both ways. It helps get energize, motivate yourself to take action despite feeling tired… and it will also help overcome that nervousness that was holding you back because now we want that result… it puts pull motivation in place.

2. Simplest action step.

So, when there’s no motivation to begin, get specific about how directly or even indirectly doing that thing is important for you before you find the simplest action step to get the motivational ball rolling.

https://youtu.be/VTqaCSS_wBM

3. How to motivate yourself – best way to get results

Now, which one do you think is more important to get results – staying motivated or discipline and willpower? Which one works for you? Because knowing this helps us see how fast are we going to get results.

One line of ideas say that you don’t need motivation, it fluctuates, it’s unreliable. And so it’s better to simply depend on discipline and your willpower to keep showing up because consistently putting one step in front of the other is what gets us past the end line.

But then, there’s also the fact that motivation, especially intrinsic motivation or the intense desire to achieve that goal can help us get past all the hurdles and get results. The pull motivation makes it easier for us to keep moving forward through all the problems and low-energy days.

What works best –

Here’s the thing. We all have a limited amount of willpower available each day and every choice that requires self-control uses it up a little, which is called ego depletion. And discipline without motivation costs a lot of willpower. Watch the video up top to see the formula that gets us results faster even on low energy days when doubts start cropping up.

Meet you right over there. Hope you found this useful.  

The post 3 Ways How To Motivate Yourself | Science-backed formula appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

How to stay motivated through the uncertainties in life? The answer lies in knowing whether you are truly motivated to do something or simply excited about it. Because the answer can tell you beforehand whether you will actually get the results you want or end up losing steam midway. But before getting into that, we need to make sure we have the right foundation for this to be truly effective.

3 Strategies for how to stay motivated when life gets hard

1. Before you begin

How do some people handle all the uncertainties, all the ups and downs managing to achieve what they set out to get? That’s because they anchor their motivation to the result that they want instead of to the things that they would rather avoid.

We can be motivated either by moving away from something or moving towards something. Like,

• if you are exercising to amp up your health and have the kind of energy you need for that vacation planned for later this year, that’s approach motivation, moving towards something.
• But, if we are exercising to stop gaining weight, then that’s avoidance or push motivation, moving away from something. “If I don’t exercise, I am going to gain weight.”

Strategy – Check your compass

What – To stay motivated through all the uncertainties, setbacks, and hurdles begin with one question,

“how does doing this fit in, even in a small way, with what I want in my life?”

Why – Because when we anchor our motivation to a bigger picture that’s closer to our heart, our desire for that, pulls us through all the changes, hurdles, or setbacks along the way.

When we remove fear from what’s motivating us, it helps us feel more in control of our decision to show up. A motivation compass pointing towards ‘wanting’ always works longer than the one pointing to ‘avoidance’.

https://youtu.be/WCJjtvEanlY

2. Build automatic top-ups

It’s important to know the difference between simply feeling excited and being truly motivated. We can feel really excited about something, but until and unless it speaks to our interests, preferences, and instincts we can’t feel truly motivated to see it through.

The brain structure that manages motivation is shaped by our genes and the experiences we have had over time. Which essentially means that the best way how to stay motivated is to make sure that whatever we do

• holds meaning for us, and

• we get positive feedback like seeing progress or some kind of reward.

But if things keep working exactly as we were expecting them to, they start to feel less and less exciting, right? That’s because the neural activity triggered in the dopamine system starts to drop. 

But if we begin right, then feeling demotivated, unexcited, or bored simply signal that the batteries need to be topped up. If you have your intrinsic motivation in place, uncertainties and challenges can actually add to your motivation instead of hurting it because they help keep things fresh. 

Strategy – Build automatic top-ups

1. Distance –

   Whenever problems or hurdles crop up that seem just too big to be dealt with, use second position of perceptual repositioning to distance yourself from the problem because our emotions have a way of blowing things out of proportion. Think, what would you advise your best friend if they came to you for advice on this same thing?

2. Milestones – Now, with that advice in mind, create an action plan. But instead of one single stop at the end, build milestones along the way… smaller chunks of tasks so that anticipating success becomes easier. The motivation to act needs at least some expectation of success because dopamine is released when we ‘anticipate’ success.

Now, this strategy is for when challenges and hurdles hurt our motivation. But what when the doubt and resistance comes from within? What about when burnout, self-doubt, or a lack of progress causes motivation slump?

3. How to stay motivated? Have the tools ready

There are a lot of things out of our control that can affect our energy and our willingness to keep showing up. They can create periods of uncertainty where we doubt what’s possible for us, what we can do, and how correct are our decisions. Like, how someone reacted or what someone said can affect what we think of our ability in a totally different area of our life.

Why this happens – 

Our brain’s main task is survival. And so, if something feels stressful, it tries to keep us away from all such situations by whatever means necessary, even if they are in a different context.

The different neural pathways like dopamine and serotonin pathways create powerful associations between what we do and how it made us feel physically and emotionally. And that then drives our behavior.

And even though we can’t control what anyone else says or does, or what’s breaking out in the world, we can keep some tools handy to stop our mood deciding whether we do what needs to be done or sit scrolling on the phone.

Strategy – Handy tools to get back on track

To know one of the quickest ways to start seeing value again… get motivated to start showing up, watch the video up top.

Hope you found this useful.

The post How To Stay Motivated When Life Gets Hard | Science Of Motivation appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

To become more resilient to change and the uncertainties in life, we need to improve our adversity quotient (AQ). Because that’s what helps us deal with stress better and build mental strength along the way. So, let’s unpack the simple daily habits, based on the science of resilience, that empowers us to handle change, challenges, and uncertainties better.

Simple daily habits to become more resilient

We all react differently to stressful situations because of 3 things. The genes we were born with, the experiences we have had, and the coping skills we learnt along the way like planning ahead or problem solving. Now, we may not be able to do anything about the first two, but we can definitely build good coping skills into our approach, we can become more resilient. And these 5 habits help us to do exactly that.

Habit 1: Snap out

See, resilience is our ability to stay calm when we have setbacks, in the face of distress or tough times. But, when we are in the middle of any tough situation, our brain automatically goes into the stress mode and it becomes physically impossible to think clearly. Because that’s the work of our prefrontal cortex which is shoved back as soon as the primitive brain takes over which handles stress.

And as we all know, we need to keep practicing on smaller things to get ready to deal with any big thing. So, to have all the tools ready to handle any tough situation, we have to keep practicing on the smaller stressors that are part of our everyday life. You know, the small things that make us angry, irritated, frustrated. 

First step to become more resilient –

So, the first step, the first habit to become more resilient is to snap out of the stress mode before responding, reacting, or acting.

How to do it –

Complete this sentence for yourself before doing anything. “I am feeling angry/frustrated/irritated, but _____.” Because when we think to complete this sentence, it forces us to engage the prefrontal cortex of our brain which is the hub of all our thinking and reasoning. And that snaps us out of the stress mode because it disengages the primitive brain which was limiting our thinking capacity.

https://youtu.be/Qznj5V-UjaE

Habit 2: Reality check

The next step to handle any stressful situation is to do a reality check because it’s normal for us to catastrophize, think the worst would definitely happen. And everything that can go wrong is magnified and put into focus because our brain’s main aim is survival. So, it tries to scare us into stepping away from anything that stresses us out.

Second step –

So, the second habit to become more resilient is to do a reality check every time we think things are starting to spin out of control.

How to do it –

To find the true importance of whatever’s happening, use Forward pacing. Imagine your life, say 6 months from now. Is whatever’s stressing you today, still important for you now?

If it’s not, then you would know how much importance and time and energy you want to spend on it. But, if it’s still important say 6 months from now, try imaging your life a year, 2 years, or 5 years from now to check when it stops being important.

And if it doesn’t, then that means it’s something truly important and deserves your full attention.

https://youtu.be/dfz8RwUF4ts

Habit 3: Practice problem-solving to become more resilient

Hurdles, failures, and roadblocks are not the end of the road and they definitely do not define who we are or what we are capable of. And whether we think we can or we can’t, there’s always something we can do to change or influence whatever’s happening.

People who can solve problems more effeciently can control the situation and have a higher chance of success .

– Phoolka S., Kaur N. (Adversity quotient: a new paradigm in management to explore)

Third step –

That’s what the next habit to become more resilient is, looking at every failure or roadblock or impossibility as just another problem to be solved along the way. It’s about practicing and improving our problem-solving skill.

How to do it –

Get into a ‘how’ mindset using cognitive reframing. Change all the why’s into how’s. Instead of ‘why is this happening to me?’, ask ‘how can I make this work for me?’ Because, if you never stop… that’s resilience.

Habit 4: Optimize the environment

To make any habit stick, we need to optimize the environment, make it as easy as we possibly can to do it. Like, if you want to lose weight, you won’t want chips, cookies, and doughnuts lying around your home, would you? Instead, you would bring in healthy snacks and healthy food that don’t tempt you into overeating.

Fourth step – 

And that’s the same with habits to become more resilient. We have to optimize the environment. Because research has shown that we are way more affected by our environment than we think we are whether in how it influences our sense of fashion, thinking, decisions, and even self-esteem. It’s called the Law of Averages.

How to do it –

Watch the video up top to know how to do this as part of your daily life and also to know the fifth and one of the most important habits to become more resilient.

See you there.

The post 5 Daily Habits To Become More Resilient Every Day appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

Is self-doubt really the opposite of confidence, or is there more to it? Because evolutionarily, self-doubt and confidence were both meant for us to do better. Confidence to fearlessly try out new things, and self-doubt to know when we need to skill up. And so to overcome self doubt means knowing exactly what we need to work on… find the root cause every time self doubt holds us back to know which exact strategy to use.

How to overcome self-doubt

1. When not feeling confident enough

The most common cause for doubting our ability or decision to do something is a lack of confidence. It’s when we aren’t sure whether we have what something demands, whether we will be able to get the results we want. See, confidence isn’t an overall trait. It’s not like you are a confident person or you are not at all. It differs from situation to situation.

People who have a lot of self-doubts are thought to have a lot of variation in their judgment of their own abilities… and may be uncertain about their ability to cause a desired outcome.

– Braslow, Guerrettaz, Arkin, & Oleson, 2012

What Helps –

• Feel more in control:

  Self-doubt makes it tough to know whether how we feel about our ability is right or not because it could very well be our negativity bias throwing up these thoughts of self-doubt.

  So, use the second position of perceptual repositioning to take an objective look at things. Think of it as if your friend is in that situation, not you. Then check how much expertise is really needed, how much is there realistically right now, and if there’s a gap then what needs to be done?

• Cut back the need to overcome self-doubt – But, moving forward, it also helps to cut back on situations that make us doubt our ability.

  So, make sure that there’s enough time to fill any knowledge gap or to get the help needed before agreeing to something. It’s about proactively cutting back those situations that can make us doubt ourselves. It’s easier than trying to overcome self-doubt.

https://youtu.be/SFJtv9Npa00

2. Overcome self doubt when there’s a lack of courage for risks involved

Courage is different from confidence because it fuels our actions when we know we do not have quite a wide knowledge about something… when we wing it trusting that we will be able to learn along the way to keep moving forward.

And when there’s a lack of courage, self-doubt is about avoidance – avoiding failure, embarrassment, disappointment. It’s when we hold back, like when we procrastinate.

Procrastination (is an)… example of self-handicaps that enable us to blame our struggles on something other than our incompetence. Unfortunately, this strategy often just leads to worsening self-doubt .

– Braslow, Guerrettaz, Arkin, & Oleson, 2012

What Helps –

• Do want:

  Avoidance makes us feel stuck because of the paradox of choice, too many options. Like, “I don’t want this to happen, or that to happen, or that other thing to happen”. So, focus on what you do want to happen.

• Specifics to overcome self doubt: General ideas like “I want this to work” don’t really help. So, use reframing technique to get into specifics. Instead of “I don’t know” or “I don’t think I can”, find out what specifically you think is going to stop you, or what hurdle are you expecting.
• What can you control:

  And so, what can we do about that? What can we change? This will give us a specific goal and an action plan showing us what we can specifically work on to feel more confident, feel more in control.

When we start seeing the possibility of failure as just another problem to be solved along the way, courage comes naturally into the mix.

https://youtu.be/WCJjtvEanlY

3. Subconscious root cause (self-esteem and limiting beliefs)

But, when self-doubt sounds like, I am not this enough or that enough, or shows imposter syndrome… feeling as if we succeeded by fluke, it points towards a deeper problem.  Our experiences while growing up work together to shape our beliefs which guide our choices and decisions in life. Now, some of them work at a subconscious level, meaning we are not even aware of them. And when  some of these beliefs start to limit what we think is possible for us, they come out as self-doubt.

Many research studies have shown that “basically, anything that leads us to question our existing beliefs, thoughts, emotions, etc… can lead to self-doubt”

– Tchiki Davis, PhD

What Helps –

• Importance for motivation:

  If we can find the importance of why we have to do something, find out how it’s going to get us closer to what we truly want in life, the importance will override the resistance and doubts we have. Because that creates an internal locus of motivation which can tide us over self-doubt and setbacks along the way.

• Leverage strengths:

  Then, mould whatever you have to do around your strengths.

  Like, I am not very comfortable with public speaking. So, to overcome self-doubt, I would use my strength – creativity. I will create an engaging presentation to go with it so that people can focus more on that than all eyes on me. That means, it would work twice. First to distract me from all those self-doubting thoughts and then to feel more comfortable and confident when speaking.

• Audit to minimize self doubt: Watch the video up top to know how to do this and also to learn all about the 4th very sneaky root cause of self-doubt. Meet you over there.

The post 4 Things Holding You Back | How To Overcome Self Doubt appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

How to be confident is about tapping into something that we have evolved to have as a default. Because from an evolutionary-clinical point of view, confidence evolved to give us an evolutionary edge – to approach new things without fear or angst.

So, what does confidence look like for you? Is it what you feel when you know everything there’s to know about something? Or, is confidence knowing that you can find a way forward no matter what? Because even when we plan our life carefully, prepare for everything, there will always be situations that demand us to think on the spot, learn, and improvise….like, living in the new normal. 

So, let’s unpack how to be confident in any situation – whether things are easy, tough, or dicey at best.

Unlocking confidence – the ultimate life skill

1. Making decisions with confidence

Sometimes we are confident in our ability to do something, but doubt our ability to make the right choice. Like say, you got a job offer but are not confident about making the switch. “Should I take this offer now or wait for things to start moving up here”, “and what if that doesn’t work out?”

And this can also affect how much effort we put into something because we are never sure whether we are wasting our time or not. The main problem here is a lack of clarity. So, to be confident in any decision you make –

A) Cost effectiveness – 

Check the cost effectiveness of that decision. When we choose anything, it means we are leaving something else out. And so, our decision comes at the cost of the option we are not choosing. That’s the cost of our decision.

So, for every big decision you make, check what are you not choosing. And is what you are not choosing something that you would regret more, Or would you regret more not going for what you chose right now?

B) Priority check –

And we can answer this question more confidently if we are clear about our priorities in life. It makes the whole thing faster and way easier. So, take time out sometimes to get clear on that because it can be quite different from what we think in the moment is more important for us.

C) Long-term alignment –

And these priorities work best when they are leading us towards where we want to be in 5 or 10 years from now. Because that’s what brings a kind of satisfaction from whatever we do.

How to be confident in the decisions we make is about knowing that every choice is moving us closer to how we want our life to look. That’s what helps us make the more satisfying choice.

But what if we doubt whether we can measure up to that. What if you are not confident you have what it demands?

https://youtu.be/rphKOMXQcqg

2. How to be confident in yourself

Doubting our ability to successfully manage all the hurdles that might come along the way, or everything that it would need us to do, can affect what we think is possible or not for us. Like, for someone trying to figure out how to be confident when speaking in public might be because they find answering impromptu questions from the audience quite daunting. What if they draw a blank and freeze?

And so, it can make us avoid those opportunities or settle for second-best. Compromised choices can bring us success, but it doesn’t bring the same level of satisfaction that going after our dreams and desires can bring.

A) Chunking down –

Even though the obvious answer seems to be prepared to the best of our ability, what works better, is to also find what exactly is it that we doubt we can’t do. Chunking down is about asking why something is important or what would it mean so that we can get to the root of anything, getting as specific as we can.

Like, in the public speaking example, chunking down can show that the real worry is about being able to recall and connect the right dots to answer an impromptu question effectively. 

B) Mastery experience –

Confidence builds on confidence. It’s about tapping into what psychologist Albert Bandura called ‘mastery experiences’ – believing if you could have learned or found a solution to something before, you can do that again. Believing in our ability to succeed.

So, we find something similar that we have done in the past. Like, advised a friend successfully on some problem they were facing. We tapped into our experience and connected the right dots to show them a solution that worked. And since we did that before, we can do it again.

But sometimes we can lose self-confidence a few steps in. And this can show up in many ways, like feeling unmotivated, or too stressed with everything, and may be even procrastinating… prioritizing other things over the one we are working on.

“The higher our self-confidence, the higher our motivation to act. Plus, self-confidence helps increase the chances of success when we do act.”

– Alex Lickerman, MD

3. Confident facing uncertainties in life

Uncertainties in life can make us lose confidence because we feel at some level that things might not turn out the way we want. We start to hesitate in our choices because of a fear of failure. And research has shown that when we expect to fail, we are more likely to do so.

Watch the video up top to know how to deal effectively with all the different ways this can show up.

Meet you right over there.

The post How To Be Confident In Any Situation – Be Unstoppable appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

Does the thought of failing make you work harder or does it make you think twice about doing it? Knowing this is important because though fear is essentially meant to do us good… keep us safe and surviving, it can also hold us back from going after the things we want more of in our life. So, let’s look into which strategies work best when, to overcome the fear of failure. But to make that work optimally, we need to be aware of a couple of things, sort of lay the right foundation. So, let’s get them in place quickly first.

How to overcome the fear of failure

Everything our brain does is aimed at making us survive longer. And even though the things that stress us every day won’t usually kill us on their own, our brain is stuck at a stone age level of evolution and feels if we are stressed about something, it’s a threat to our survival. So, it starts catastrophizing – churning out all the worst-case scenarios. And this gradually makes us afraid of failure.

1. Fear of failure helping or harming you?

If it is doing us good –

One way this can make us act is we start putting in more effort just to avoid failing. And that usually means better chances of success, right? Like, the fear of failing in exams makes us study harder.

Sure, we get better grades as a result. But, the bigger outcome is that we gain more knowledge. Like, can you imagine the quality of healthcare we would get if doctors were simply taken through the training with a degree at the end without having to pass any exams? Yeah, it does start to make sense if you think about it like that, doesn’t it?

We start to understand how a fear of failure becomes good in that sense. And if it’s helping us get better results in whatever we do, then why would we want to overcome it?

When it holds us back –

But when it starts to overwhelm us, hold us back from going after what we really want, that’s when we need to stop and find a way out.

The fear of failure can be because of many different consequences we would rather avoid. And that’s why every strategy won’t work as well for every situation.

So, it becomes really important to know what specifically are we trying to avoid.

https://youtu.be/aNHSRTBa0Lk

2. Find the specific reason

We react to and try to cope with that fear differently depending on the reason. We might wish to avoid embarrassment, shame, disappointing someone, or just uncertainty. And anyways, it’s easier to find a solution when you know the cause, right?

Researchers on fear of failure have identified several negative consequences people with a fear of failure expect, including feelings of shame and embarrassment, a big-blow to self-esteem, the prospect of an uncertain future, the loss of social influence, and disappointing important others.

– Psychology Today

So, broadly speaking, there are usually 2 main reasons –

Catastrophizing (part of survival mechanism) –

This can be sneaky and tough to notice because sometimes it works at a subconscious level. We would be procrastinating on something or becoming overly perfectionist about something without even realizing that we are just trying to avoid reaching the end. At some level we feel it’s going to be something we won’t really like.

Catastrophizing causes us to lose confidence in our capabilities and ability to handle any situation. And so failure seems more likely than it is really.

Learnt fear (part of sociocultural conditioning) – 

Fear is something that we kind of learn through sociocultural conditioning – the things we learn while growing up which help us survive as individuals and as a part of society.

When learning to walk or talk we never knew to be afraid of feeling embarrassed, falling and failing over and over again. But, somewhere along the way to becoming adolescents and grown-ups, we pick up on the idea that failing undermines our standing in a social setting. It shows something lacking in us and so needs to be avoided at all costs. We start to hold back because if we fail, what would it show about us?

But the silver lining in this is that, as fear of failure and rejection is a learnt behavior, so it is obviously something that can also be unlearnt. And that becomes the key to finding the right strategy.

3. Choose your strategy

As we know by now, there are 4 main type of things that we wish to avoid when we are holding back because of a fear of failure.

1. Letting people down (partly learnt fear) –

If it’s because we feel what we have to offer is probably not enough, we are not this enough or that enough…and may be also we don’t want to let those people down who matter to us, disappoint them… then it helps to do these 2 things.

• Slow things down. stop all the thoughts popping and rushing in your head focus on what you can control. Check how prepared you are. When we focus on this, there is very little mental bandwidth left to focus on the things we are afraid of. The network of neurons in our brain cannot actively process two different things at the same time.
• Have a plan. Confidence is all about feeling prepared and in control of any situation. Have a plan for how you will deal with the scariest outcomes, keeping of course your focus on the things you can control. If you need to, break things down into smaller manageable chunks and change whatever you feel is not working for you.

2. Lot to lose personally (partly catastrophizing) –

Another big reason is we fear we are at risk of losing a lot personally. If things don’t work out the way we want, we might end up with considerable wasted time, effort, and resources. What helps overcome the fear of failure here is to –

• Remember your why. why are you working on this in the first place? Will it in any way, directly on indirectly, help you be where you want to be in say 5 or 10 years from now? 

• And if it will, then ask yourself which one would you regret most – not even trying or bearing a bit of loss?

For which strategy to use for the other two types of fear of failure, watch the video up top. One of them underlies all these reasons.

Meet you there.

The post Don’t Let The Fear Of Failure Hold You Back | 3 Tips To Help appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

What do you think is the best way to deal with uncertainties in life? Well, according to the American Psychological Association, the answer is to become more resilient, feel more confident in our ability to handle even the things out of our control. And today we will go into how to do that exactly, but first let’s see the two things that lay the right foundation for this to be truly effective.

3 Key steps to deal with uncertainties

1. Stop that stress response

The very first thing is to stop the stress response… feeling restless physically and mentally wallowing in all kind of catastrophic expectations, like everything that could possibly go wrong is surely going to go wrong.

This is all part of cognitive distortion to keep us safe, our survival mechanism kicking in to keep us away from, or keep us ready for the worst thing that could happen.

But, if we don’t know how to step out of this at the right exit point, it can overwhelm us into inaction because it makes all the uncertainties feel more daunting than they actually are. 

A. The antidote –

It’s really tough to think rationally, think straight when the body is shutting down everything except what’s essential to stay safe and survive the threat.

But the thing is, when we deal with uncertainties, we are not usually dealing with any real danger, only what we see as a threat, it is perceived danger.

And so the best antidote to that would obviously be perceived safety – having a plan of action or strategy ready to deal with that threat.

B. Boost that confidence –

The quickest way to get our confidence up in our ability to come up with a solution is to think about our past successes… even if those aren’t remotely connected to the current situation.

This takes the power out of catastrophic thinking because it puts our focus on how we have been able to effectively deal with uncertainties in the past.

So, stop and ask, “I have figured things out in the past and if I have done it before, I can do it again. So what can I do about this now?”

___________

But, if it still doesn’t bring up a clear way for you to deal with those uncertain situations, then use this next step.

https://youtu.be/Qznj5V-UjaE

2. Access rational thinking to deal with uncertainties

When we can’t see a way out, it means we are too close to something to see the complete picture clearly. See, the first thing we notice when anything happens is how we feel about it – angry, happy, sad, jealous. That done, we take a step back and see what’s making us feel that way, like “I am so angry because he said that to me.”

We are emotional beings first and rational thinkers next. And rational thinking is what brings us solutions and action plans.

A. If you have a strong imagination –

So, to see the situation more clearly, take a step back using the third party operator of perceptual repositioning.

It’s about detaching emotionally from the situation by acting as if you are looking at the whole thing unfold as a story on Netflix. So, what other angles to the situation can you see now? 

Looking at the problem this way helps turn the volume down on our emotions and tap into the rational thinking mode.

B. If your analytic skills are stronger –

Instead of what you don’t want to happen, focus only on the things that you want to happen… and see what all you can do to tip the scale more in your favor.

What can you do about the things in your control and how can you influence more in your favor those uncertainties which are out of your control.

Thinking this way disengages our emotions because we are thinking analytically… and so it becomes easier to come up with rational strategies and plan of action.

3. Build confidence to be comfortable with uncertainty

Now that we know how to get back in control, it’s time to see how to become more resilient, deal with uncertainties confidently. Like those people who always seem to know what to do in any situation and is usually the best person to have by your side in any emergency.

To know the 2 things needed to build the skill of dealing with stressful situations effectively – a framework to adapt to any situation confidently, watch the video up top.

I hope you found this useful.

The post How To Deal With Uncertainties In Life Without Feeling Stressed appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

Deciding not to quit is what really gets us results, gets us what we want in life, from life, and how we experience life. And the determination to keep moving, the mental strength to bounce back from stressful situations is what resilience essentially is.

And as that involves our thoughts, actions, and behaviors, resilience is something that we can learn and develop to manage our life better.

The 3 essential things to develop resilience

Working on this thoughts-actions-behavior idea that underpins resilience, let’s first begin with ‘thoughts’.

1. Thoughts – being mentally strong

How we think is how we feel. That’s what we can build our resilience on…taking a stressful situation, finding alternate ways of looking at it, and focusing on the one that helps take action. Because when we successfully push through that barrier, handle that stressful situation effectively, it boosts our sense of control and trains our mind to see similar situations in the future as being manageable.

And so even though it might bring up some tough emotions initially, it would be easier for us to recover, to bounce back and to move on with life.

So, the first thing that helps us develop resilience is being careful in how we think, what we choose to focus on – is it blame, wishing things were different, brooding over things that can’t be changed. Or, is it the things that we can control, we can change, actions that can help us better tackle the problem?

2. Actions to build resilience – adaptability

Think being flexible like a palm…adapting to changing wind helps it weather storms that uproots or breaks other bigger, stronger, but more rigid trees.

Three things here –

• Staying open to the idea that change is a part of life. It isn’t always what we would like, but it happens. Storms happen, and so the palm tree bends rather than resists the changing wind conditions. Being open to the idea that life can be tough puts up less resistance in our mind and we are able to focus more on helpful things.

• Keeping our focus on the things we can change. The palm tree doesn’t stop growing in stormy areas to avoid hurricanes, but grows deeper roots and different internal structure of the tree trunk. So, focusing more on the solution, a way out, a way forward rather than how it could have been different. Also, knowing when to ask for help – whether it’s friends, family, or professional guidance.

• Choosing to be proactive. Giving ourself time to let the initial emotions play out, but then intentionally switching over to finding what action can be taken. If it feels overwhelming, focus on what you can directly impact, the smallest change that will help…and then build up from there.

3. Behavior – building mental toughness

Building resilience, building mental toughness is like building muscles in our body…the more you challenge it, work on it, the better you build the muscle. And to know how to do this effectively, watch the video up top to understand it better.

I hope you found this helpful.

The post Resilience – 3 Essentials To Become Mentally Tough appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

Goals set a direction to our actions and decisions. They make sure we don’t miss out on life chasing things that don’t truly hold much meaning in our life. And since achieving a goal, no matter how big or small, means we are that much closer to creating the life we want, we’ll be exploring some of the most effective ways to achieve your goals – ways suggested by experts and proven by science.

Effective ways to achieve your goals

1. Goals – set them right

The first one is to get the goals right… because if we set the direction wrong, we are very likely to end up in the wrong place.

Now, according to neuropsychologist Dr. Theo Tsaousides who wrote the book Brainblocks, we set either promotion goals or prevention goals.

Now, promotion goals are better because they have a specific end, we want something we don’t have yet… and so it leads to action.

Like, if we set the goal ‘get better sleep’, it would mean taking action to ensure better sleep hygiene and other lifestyle changes so that we wake up feeling rested.

Setting a SMART goal with specifics would be better, but this is also good.

But, if we set prevention goals, like ‘avoid taking up any more assignments’….there’s no clear action  or a clear point of completion. And because it’s kind of ongoing, it becomes tricky to achieve such a goal.

How we word our goals makes a lot of difference because it makes the thing feel clear-cut & doable or something vague without a clear end-point.

And our motivation to keep showing up, see the thing through to the end, depends a lot on this.

2. You – uplevel the way you think

Now, one of the key ways to achieve your goals would be to keep going even through setbacks and failures. Because like Machine Intelligence Research Institute co-founder Eliezer Yudkowsky said,

“If you never fail, you’re only trying things that are too easy and playing far below your level… If you can’t remember any time in the last six months when you failed, you aren’t trying to do difficult enough things.”

If we are trying to aim for something worth having, mistakes and failures will be a natural part of the process… because, if we are already good at it, the goal isn’t really a goal… it’s simply showcasing our skill or knowledge. And as Dr. Carol Dweck has so powerfully shown through her book Mindset, being able to see failures, mistakes, and shortcomings as pointers for where there’s opportunity for us to put in work and grow… is the kind of approach that makes sure we achieve our goals.

What makes sure that hurdles and failures do not stop us from reaching the end is the habit of taking responsibility of our results and of keeping our focus on finding solutions.

And we need to stay mindful of our habits because

1. they reflect our approach to life, and
2. they put our actions on autopilot making us less dependent on motivation to keep showing up.

Related

How to change your habits the way you want and make them last

3. Stay motivated and overcome procrastination

One of the main reasons some goals get left behind is either because

• other more urgent things crop up and it kept getting put on the backburner until we totally forgot about it. Or,
• because progress was too slow and we lost interest along the way.

Stay motivated –

An easy way to fix this, one of the simpler ways to achieve your goals, is creating milestones or mini goals along the way….break the goals down into smaller simpler chunks so that you can see the result of your actions faster, get the feeling of achievement, and so stay motivated to take more action.

Dopamine, one of the main neurochemicals responsible for feeling motivated is released when our brain realizes that something important is going to happen.

When we achieve one small goal, it feels good and we get charged up to keep taking more action….and so we reach the next goal and the next. It becomes a kind of chain reaction until we reach the end.

Overcome procrastination –

Breaking the goal up into smaller ones also helps us overcome procrastination because instead of trying to climb the infinity staircase in one jump, we are more focused on climbing the first few steps to the first landing… that feels easy and we start taking action. And to stop other urgent things from taking over our time and energy, we need to schedule time in our day for working on our goals.

Now, if we plan it right and are convinced of the value of that goal, however directly or indirectly, in our life…. the dopamine process takes over and step by step we achieve our goal.

Even short-haul goals work better with a plan because winging it, puzzling out what to do every day uses up a lot of energy, which our brain doesn’t like and we are sooner or later going to start coming up with reasons why it’s a good idea to quit working on that goal.

4. Handling things out of your control

Watch the video up top to know how to do this effectively and more.

The post 4 Proven Ways To Achieve Your Goals appeared first on Nandyz Soulshine.

We sometimes feel stuck in life because something big happened and derailed everything we had been working on, or because of the feeling that even if we had all the energy and willpower in life, we wouldn’t know what to do next, where to go from here. And even though it can be frustrating, it’s actually something that we can change – we can get unstuck in life and get that clarity and motivation back to keep the momentum in life going.

3 Things you can do to get unstuck in life

Feeling lost or like we are falling back in one area of life can start affecting our motivation and satisfaction from the others. And, getting unstuck begins with realizing that there’s always something, direct or indirect, that we can do to get our momentum back in life.

1. Set reference points

The first one is to create reference points. Think of it like, you are traveling but can’t see out of the window, like traveling at night with nothing to see outside. Would you know how fast or slow you were moving?

So, to help us know for sure if we are really stuck in a rut or is it just the weariness of routine that’s making it feel like nothing’s happening and we aren’t getting anywhere, we need to set clear, quantifiable goals or milestones. They will act as reference points to measure our progress and also set the direction for our efforts.

If, it’s monotony making us feel stuck in life –

Being able to measure progress will help us, as research shows, feel happier, more satisfied with life… improve our subjective well-being. And this feeling in turn motivates us to keep working towards our goals….kind of creates an effective cycle.

Suggested

4 Daily Habits To Get Motivated And Stay Motivated

If, we are really not making any progress –

Then the goals and the plan we reverse-engineered to reach there from where we are right now, will help find what needs to change, or be added, upgraded, tweaked to start moving in the right direction.

2. When feeling lost or unsure

To get unstuck in life, it’s important to know what we want from life… but not everybody has that figured out. To get a good starting point, find some role models, people whose life or achievements you admire or wished YOU did that. And also, someone doing something similar you feel you definitely don’t want to be like.

Now, the point here is, we are not trying to be like someone or emulate anyone’s life… we are just getting an idea of what it takes to be at the position or lead the kind of life that we like.

It simply sets the ball rolling, gives us something to work with, a starting point to brainstorm what goals and milestones we can set for ourselves. And the negative role model would give us a checklist of things to avoid, knowing they would take us in the direction we don’t want to go.

After setting a goal and a few milestones, reverse-engineer the plan to today

For the 3rd technique that you can use to get unstuck in life when the motivation to begin again doesn’t seem to last long, watch the video up top. 

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